John Durack: Thank you, Peggy. All right, Matthew and Kim, do your worst.
Kim Durack:
This was written in the car, on the way up.
As we move into the new millennium, the Duracks need a focus. So to this end, I've developed the Durack Business Plan. How we're going to do this, is we're going to patent and market the Durack genome. Now the genome is the genetic map of what makes up a human, and like Patsy and Stumpy travelling to the Kimberley, this map will allow others without the genetic make-up of us, to follow in our footpath. Parents will purchase the right to use our map when planning the genetic make-up of their children.
Now why is our genome better than the rest? The crucible of Australia has forged a compound that I think (and I think most of you will agree) is superior to all others. The superiority stems from the whole product. Sure, other families are beautiful, intelligent, smart, talented, but we're the whole package, we've got all of it.
With the Duracks there is no base model product, it's the complete package. You get all the accessories and all the optional extras. So what do you get in the pack? You get Nona's determination: when Nona wants something done, she gets it done.
You get Bill's attention to detail, and this includes the diary-writing.
Matthew senior is a chameleon who can move through all walks of life.
Paddy is the dag, and totally obsessed with all things technical, which women, no matter how much they deny it, find slightly arousing.
Jim manages to combine the conservative engineering profession with the passion of music, and mood enhancers.
John symbolises the protector, who would do anything to protect his nuclear and extended family. Unfortunately, in this dog-eat-dog world, this sort of sentimentality just won't cut it, so you're going to have to make the ultimate sacrifice, and sacrifice yourself. Sorry, John. It's for the Durack cause.
Michael Durack: everything about Michael is grand. His triple extra large personality, big tummy, big sperm count and a lot of optimism.
We've been looking into a few technical hiccups of our perfection: pot bellies, lack of melanin, obsession with all things Durack, red hair and Michael and Jim are looking to put a gene in our genome which will carry a sort of cement property. Maybe some puffed wheat as well.
As a marketing ploy, we're going to be offering a lifetime guarantee of being Durack. But wait, there's more: you also get an autographed photo from an original Durack.
So just sit tight and wait, because the technology is coming. We're sitting on a goldmine, folks.
