In this week’s episode of Altars & Ashes Podcast, we addressed one of the most contested, misunderstood, and resisted doctrines in the modern Church: God’s design for marriage.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)
In the episode, we talk about the fact that marriage is not a social experiment, but a covenant. And when that is ignored or inverted, homes collapse, and with them, the Church’s witness.
Marriage Begins with Creation, Not Culture
Scripture is unambiguous: God created mankind male and female, equal in dignity and worth, distinct in role and calling (Genesis 1:27).
Before sin entered the world, God declared something “not good”: man alone (Genesis 2:18). The woman was not created as an accessory or assistant, but as a helper fit for him, perfectly corresponding to his mission and responsibility.
Likewise, man was created first and given covenantal responsibility (1 Timothy 2:13). This ordering is not punitive; it is purposeful.
Head and helper are not social constructs to be outgrown. They are divine gifts for our good. When embraced, they produce harmony and fruitfulness. When rejected, the result is confusion, resentment, and disorder.
Clarifying the Landscape: Complementarianism, Patriarchy, Egalitarianism
Much confusion exists because the Church has failed to define its terms clearly.
Egalitarianism
Egalitarianism insists men and women are interchangeable in role and authority. This is not merely an error, it is rebellion against creation itself. It erases sexual distinction, confuses children, and guts the gospel picture of Christ and His Church.
Where egalitarianism takes root, churches begin to resemble the world more than the Bride of Christ.
Complementarianism
Complementarianism was an attempt to resist feminism while remaining culturally palatable. Its instincts were right, but its execution often proved too thin.
By restricting male authority to narrowly defined spaces, complementarianism frequently conceded the broader cultural ground. The result has been passive men, feminized churches, and leadership confusion.
Biblical Patriarchy
Scripture calls us further back, and higher.
Biblical patriarchy teaches that male headship is not merely a role a man performs; it is a responsibility he bears. Men are designed to lead within the home, the church, and ultimately before God Himself.
Biblical patriarchy is not tyranny or domination, but a covenantal responsibility under the authority of Christ. And it is the only framework capable of restoring what has been lost.
The Husband as Head: Authority That Bleeds
Scripture states plainly:
“The head of a wife is her husband.” (1 Corinthians 11:3)“For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church.” (Ephesians 5:23)
But headship is never autonomous. A husband’s authority is delegated and accountable, patterned after Christ Himself.
Headship means bearing weight, initiating repentance, setting spiritual direction, and protecting, providing, and shepherding. Men tend to fall into two equal sins: abdication or abuse. Scripture condemns both. Adam stood silent when he should have spoken (Genesis 3:6). Tyrants speak harshly where Christ calls for love (Colossians 3:19). So, true headship stands between danger and the household, absorbing the cost and answering to God.
A husband is the pastor of his home, not by title, but by responsibility.
The Wife as Helper: Strength Ordered Toward Life
“Helper” is not a diminishing term. Scripture uses the same word (ezer) to describe God Himself as our help (Psalm 33:20).
The wife is the glory of her husband (1 Corinthians 11:7). Where she flourishes, the household flourishes.
Biblical submission is not weakness, it is disciplined strength. It is voluntary alignment with a husband’s leadership as unto the Lord (Ephesians 5:22).
Christ Himself submitted to the Father’s will (Luke 22:42). Submission, rightly understood, is Christlike, not degrading.
Proverbs 31 portrays a woman of courage, industry, wisdom, and initiative. Titus 2 calls women to anchor the home so that the Word of God is not reviled.
The wife is often the chief architect of household culture. She shapes the souls of children. She steadies the household’s emotional and spiritual rhythms.
This is kingdom work of eternal consequence.
A Call to Arms—And to Repentance
Marriage is not neutral ground. Husbands and wives together form a frontline unit against chaos, confusion, and generational decay.
Men: rise and bear the weight you were given.Women: embrace the calling God honored.Parents: build households that preach Christ without words.
Do not wait for perfect conditions. Open the Scriptures together. Pray. Repent. Begin again.
The same Spirit who raised Christ from the dead dwells in you (Romans 8:11).
Stand Firm
The hour is late and the pressures around us are real. But God’s Word stands unshaken. So, let your home burn as an altar to the King. Let your covenant testify to Christ’s love for His Church. And, let your obedience light the way for the generation watching.
Stand firm. Build faithfully. And let your household blaze with fire for the King.
