We are in a series called The Mature Man — diving deeper into five areas of a man’s life where real growth happens. 👇
Last week we looked at how to build a life in God’s Word. This week we stay in the same area — your walk with God — and tackle the thing most men struggle with but rarely admit: prayer.
Why Prayer Can Feel Awkward — And What to Do About It
Most men don’t have a prayer problem. They have a relationship problem. And prayer is the soil where that relationship grows.
For many years of my life, prayer felt awkward. There are some moments where it still does. Maybe you don’t know what to say. Maybe you feel like you’re supposed to use certain words or hit a certain tone. You know, add in some thees, thous and thines just in case God prefers that sorta thing. Maybe you only really pray when you need something — a better job, a health scare, a situation at home that’s gotten out of hand. And when things are going okay, prayer kind of disappears.
You’re not alone. Most men struggle with prayer — not because they don’t believe in God or believe that he could answer their prayer, but because they don’t really know how to talk to Him. And the reason it feels awkward is simpler than we want to admit: it’s hard to talk to someone you don’t know well.
This post is not about a formula or performing the right way. It’s an honest look at what prayer actually is, why it matters, and how to make it an area of strength in your walk with God, not an awkward one.
Prayer is relational, not transactional
Think about two men. Same faith. Same church. Same general belief in God. But one of them prays consistently — not perfectly, but genuinely. He talks to God in the morning. He brings the real stuff — the fear about his marriage, the frustration at work, the thing he’s been carrying that nobody else knows about. The other man prays occasionally. Mainly at meals or when he needs something. Mostly when things get hard enough he thinks he better “throw something up there.”
Ten years later, those two men are not in the same place. The first man has something the second doesn’t — and it’s not that his life went better or that God gave him everything he asked for. It’s that he knows God. He has a relationship built conversation by conversation over years. He has a settled confidence that comes from actually spending time with God. The second man is still treating God like a vending machine. Put in a prayer, hope something comes out. Happy when it works out and disappointed when it doesn’t
Here’s the thing: God already knows everything about you. He doesn’t need your prayers to get information. He wants your prayers because He wants you. Prayer is not primarily about gaining things from God — it’s about gaining God himself. It’s the main way a relationship with Him gets built.
Philippians 4:6–7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Notice what Paul doesn’t say. He doesn’t say God will fix everything you bring to Him. He says the peace of God will guard your heart. The benefit of prayer isn’t always a changed circumstance. It’s a changed man. A man whose heart is more resolute, whose mind is clearer, because he has learned to bring things to God instead of carrying them alone.
I have been married for almost 17 years and I have discovered that I can’t fully know my wife if I’m not talking to her. I can’t understand what’s in her heart, know what she needs, or feel close to her if we’re not having real conversations. Our relationship with God is similar. The awkwardness you feel in prayer is not a sign you are doing it wrong. It’s a sign the relationship simply needs more intentionality. The answer to awkward prayer is not better technique. It’s more prayer.
A biblical framework for prayer
When the disciples asked Jesus to teach them to pray, He didn’t give them a theological lecture. He gave them a template. He said, “When you pray, pray like this” — not pray these exact words, but pray along these lines. The Lord’s Prayer is not necessarily a script to recite. It’s a framework.
“Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name”
Start with who God is, not what you need. Before you bring a single request, acknowledge that you’re talking to the Creator of the universe who is also your Father. Worship before petition. This one shift reorients everything that follows.
“Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven”
This is the most important line in the prayer and most likely the hardest one. You are asking that God’s agenda take priority over yours. That what He wants for your life and your circumstances would come to pass, even when it’s different from what you want. We’ll come back to this.
“Give us this day our daily bread”
Now bring your needs. Not your wish list — your needs. Daily bread is provision for today. Not next year. Not the five-year plan. Today. This keeps prayer honest and keeps you dependent on God one day at a time.
“Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors”
Confession is built into the rhythm of prayer. Not as punishment but as honesty. You come to God as you actually are, not cleaned up or pretending, and you receive the grace that is already there. And you extend that same grace to the people who have wronged you.
“Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil”
End with dependence. Acknowledge that you need God to keep you from the things that would pull you off course. A man who prays this regularly knows his own limits and isn’t pretending otherwise.
That’s the whole arc: worship, surrender, need, confession, protection. If your prayer life followed that flow even loosely, it would 100% change the way you grow in your walk with God.
Prayer is surrender
The hardest line in the Lord’s Prayer is not the one about forgiveness. It’s “your will be done.” Because if we’re honest, most of our prayers are really just us telling God what we want Him to do. We’ve already decided the outcome we want. We’re just asking Him to get on board.
Real prayer is not presenting God with your plan and asking for His blessing. It’s asking God what His plan is and surrendering to that.
That’s a completely different posture. And it’s a hard one for men, because men want to solve things. To have a plan. To be in control. Genuinely laying down what you want and asking God what He wants requires a kind of humility that doesn’t come naturally to most of us.
But here’s what’s on the other side of that surrender: peace. Not the peace that comes from everything going your way. The peace that comes from trusting that the One who holds everything is actually good and that His plan for you is better than yours. The man who is trying to run everything on his own rarely, if ever, experiences that peace. But it is readily available to the man who has learned to open his hands.
So the next time you pray, before you bring a single request, ask God what He wants. Not what you want Him to do for you — what He wants for you. What He is building in you right now. What He is asking you to trust Him with. Start there. The requests can come after.
Soaking in God’s presence
The most practical thing I can tell you about prayer: it doesn’t have to be long to be real. Five honest minutes beats thirty distracted ones every time. And the best way to make those minutes count is to start by simply being still.
I will tell you how I approach my time in prayer. Ideally it is first thing in the morning before anything else. I also like to set a consistent atmosphere. This most likely isn’t possible every time you pray but routine in the time and atmosphere created can be helpful. I go into my master bedroom closet, shut the door, and normally put on some instrumental worship music. The best I have found is by an artist named William Augusto (seriously…check it out).
Before I say anything, I put on that music and sit in silence for a few moments. Just trying to slow my mind and clear the noise so I can hear more clearly. I try to remember that God loves to spend time with me and so many times I will greet him when I enter. Not in a cheesy way, but just acknowledging His presence and communicating my joy to be spending time with Him. Most of us come to prayer carrying the full weight of whatever is going on — the to-do list, the conversation that didn’t go well, the thing we’re anxious about. You don’t have to set all of that aside before you pray. But it helps to slow down before you start.
Just five minutes. Phone down. Sit with God before you start talking. Then…just open your mouth and start talking. Tell Him what’s actually going on in your heart. Not the polished King James version, the real one. The fear. The frustration. The thing you haven’t said out loud yet. He already knows it. But something happens in you when you say it to Him. When you stop carrying it by yourself and actually hand it over.
Knowing God — and being known
Most men are hungry for something we might not even know how to name: we want to feel known. And this longing is for a deeper knowing that no human relationship can fill. It can only come from our Creator. And the thing is, God already knows you completely. There is nothing hidden from Him. But something happens in the soul of a man when he starts bringing his real life to God in prayer. When we stop performing and start being honest, it produces a sense of being known that nothing and no one else can give you.
That’s what prayer is for. Not to check a box. Not to say the right words in the right order. It’s to know God and to experience being known by Him. That’s the relationship. That’s what changes a man over time in ways that nothing else will.
Start simple. Start honest. Start today.
This Week
Set aside five minutes every morning. Put on some instrumental worship or sit in silence. Before you say anything, just acknowledge where you are. Then pray through Jesus’ framework — worship, surrender, need, confession, protection. Do it for seven days and see what changes.
Come back next week for Part 3 of The Mature Man series.
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