We are in a series called The Mature Man — diving deeper into five areas of a man’s life where real growth happens. The last few weeks we have looked at studying scripture, the importance of prayer and why it can feel awkward. This week we are sticking in the same zone of the growth wheel — your walk with God — but asking a harder question…
Here is the truth: you can study God’s Word, build a prayer life, and still choose to walk in the opposite direction.
That is not a theoretical problem. It is the most common one.
Samuel put it plainly to King Saul: “To obey is better than sacrifice.” (1 Samuel 15:22) Saul had performed the religious act — he offered a sacrifice — but his heart was never surrendered to what God had actually asked him to do. He could do the thing and still not be a man who walked with God.
That is why we are still in the Walk with God section of the Wheel. Because obedience is not a separate category. It is where everything you have learned either becomes real or stays theoretical.
NOT HEARERS ONLY
James 1:22 is one of those verses that does not leave much room to tiptoe around the bigger issue of our faith journey.
But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.
James 1:22 (ESV)
Deceiving yourselves. That is the phrase worth sitting with. James is not describing men who reject the Bible. He is describing men who engage with it — who read it, study it, nod along on Sunday mornings — and walk away unchanged. He calls that self-deception.
There are two types of men reading this right now.
The first man knows the Word. He has been in church long enough to know the right answers. He can hold his own in a theological conversation. But there are areas of his life he has quietly decided not to let God into. A pattern he tolerates. A sin he has made peace with. A compromise that has become so familiar he barely notices it anymore. He is not walking away from God. He is just not letting God all the way in. And somewhere deep down, he knows it.
The second man is genuinely trying. He reads. He prays. He wants his life to look different. But the change feels slow and the stumbling feels consistent. He has been grinding harder at obedience for a while and the exhaustion is starting to set in.
Both men are missing something. And it may not be what they think.
SHALL WE GO ON SINNING?
Paul asks a question in Romans 6 that every man who knows the Word needs to sit with.
“Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?”
His answer is blunt. “By no means.”
Some men have made an unconscious deal with themselves. They know grace is real. They know forgiveness is available. And somewhere along the way, that became permission — not to pursue holiness, but to stay comfortable. To keep the sin that feels manageable. To avoid the conversation, the boundary, the hard decision that obedience would actually cost them.
I am not going to give you a long list. You already know what it is. The thing that came to mind right now — the pattern you have been tolerating, the area you keep putting off, the compromise you have explained away more than once — that is the thing. You do not need it spelled out. You need to stop pretending it is not there.
That is not walking with God. That is using God.
Grace covers the sin, of course. But God’s goodness is not something we should ever use as an excuse to stay where we are.
OBEDIENCE IS NOT BASED ON WILLPOWER
Here is the trap both men fall into: trying harder.
The first man thinks more discipline will fix the pattern. The second man thinks more effort will finally produce the change. Both are looking for the same thing in the wrong place.
Paul says it plainly in Galatians 5:16. “Walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.”
Notice what he does not say. He does not say fight harder. He does not say manage it better. He does not say white-knuckle your way through. He says walk by the Spirit — and the obedience follows.
This is why the Word and prayer we looked at in Parts 1 and 2 matter so much. Not as boxes to check. Not as a religious routine that makes you feel slightly better about yourself. The Word and prayer are meant to lead somewhere. That somewhere is obedience — not produced by effort, but produced by the Spirit working in a man who is actually surrendered.
If you are going through the motions — reading without listening, praying without surrendering — you are getting the form without the power. And the form without the power will exhaust you every time.
IF YOU LOVE ME…
Jesus said something in John 14:15 that most men hear as a challenge.
“If you love me, you will keep my commandments.”
We hear that as: prove it. Earn it. Show me.
But read it again. Jesus is not saying obey me to prove your love. He is saying if your focus is on loving me — really loving me, knowing me, staying close to me — obedience will follow. It is a result, not a requirement to get in the door.
That changes everything for the man who has been striving. Closeness produces obedience. Not the other way around. The man trying to obey his way into closeness with God has it backwards.
HE DIDN’T JUST SAY YES — HE DID IT
This is where we have to look at Jesus.
In the garden of Gethsemane, the night before the cross, Jesus prayed words that show us the full weight of what obedience actually cost him. “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me. Yet not my will, but yours be done.” (Luke 22:42)
That was not easy agreement. That was a man in agony, sweating drops of blood, asking if there was another way. And when the answer was no — he got up and walked toward it anyway.
He did not just verbally agree with the Father’s will. He did it.
That matters because James is not calling us to a feeling. He is calling us to look like Jesus — the ultimate doer of the Word. Jesus never heard the Father’s will and walked away unchanged. He never agreed with what was right and then chose comfort instead. Every word he spoke was backed by action. The cross is the proof.
We celebrate Good Friday because of what it cost him. But here is what we often miss — Jesus knew something the disciples could not see yet. Obedience to the Father was going to look like total loss. And it was going to produce total gain.
What looked like defeat on Friday was the hinge of all of history. The Son who surrendered everything walked out of a tomb three days later with the keys to death and hell in his hand. Obedience cost him everything. Obedience gave him everything.
That is the pattern. Not just for Jesus — for every man who will stop negotiating with God and start walking in step with him.
SHAME SEPARATES
There is a father-son thread running through all of this that I do not want you to miss.
Jesus — the Son — was fully obedient to his Father, all the way to the cross. That relationship, that closeness, that love between them was the source of everything he did.
Now think about your own kids.
When my kids disobey, I do not love them any less. Not even close. But something shifts — not on my end, on theirs. They get quiet. They avoid eye contact. They pull away. They do not want to come around me the same way.
That is shame doing what shame does. It separates.
I do not always handle those moments perfectly as a father. But here is what I know about God that is different from me: He does not pull back. He is not waiting for you to get it together before He lets you come close. His love for you does not fluctuate based on your obedience.
But shame will tell you to stay at a distance until you have cleaned yourself up. And that is exactly backwards. The man who is stumbling most needs to move toward God, not away from him.
Disobedience does not end God’s love for you. But it does create distance — and you are the one creating it. The door is open. It has always been open. The question is whether you will walk through it.
TAKE ACTION
Here are some action steps for you this week:
* Name the area. There is something specific — not general — that the Spirit has been pressing on. You do not need someone to list it for you. Name it.
Then
* Take one step. Not a complete overhaul. One concrete step toward obedience this week. Tell someone. Make the call. End the pattern. Draw the line. God does not need you to have it all figured out. He wants you to move toward Him in obedience.
So where do you need to stop negotiating with sin and actually start obeying God?
Here is a short prayer you could pray right now:
Father, I do not want to be a man who knows Your Word but lives like I don’t. Forgive me for the places I have made peace with what You have called me out of. I do not want to use Your grace as a reason to stay comfortable. I want to walk with You — really walk with You. Show me what needs to change. Give me the courage to face it and the humility to bring it to You instead of hiding. I want to love You more than I want to stay where I am. Move me, Lord. Amen.
Come back next week for part 4 of The Mature Man series.
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