CW: Sexual Assault
In this episode, Jen & Tesha are joined by Mel FP, as she shares her story of being sexually assaulted by her boyfriend. Mel describes the confusion, shame, & self-destructive behaviour that followed, as well as both the supportive & unhelpful ways that others responded. She describes her experience with reporting the assault to the police. Mel talks about her path towards healing, learning how to have healthy relationships again, & the importance of women talking about it. From her personal experience, Mel offers her best advice for those healing from a sexual assault, or supporting someone else healing.
Topics Discussed
- (0:00) Mel describes the early days of what would become an unhealthy relationship. She details how her boyfriend slowly began to isolate her from her friends & family. Within this relationship, Mel would become the victim of a sexual assault.
- (8:00) For Mel, the sexual assault didn’t match with what she had been taught about sexual assault. Some people in her life believed what happened was a sexual assault, while others told her it was not. Mel describes trying to process it, how friends supported her, & how she maintained some contact with him during all the confusion.
- (11:31) Mel eventually reported the assault, & details the police reaction & questioning. Mel became self-destructive, distrustful, codependent, & unhappy.
- (18:10) Mel describes her life was pushed in a different direction, she can now see that there were good things in that direction. She talks about learning how to be healthy in a relationship again, finding happiness, starting to communicate her feelings, & being supported.
- (29:10) Mel discusses how friends & family were shocked & did not always know how to handle it. She describes feeling isolated, invalidated, confused, & ashamed. We touch upon victim blaming, & how people just don't want to talk about it at all.
- (36:16) Mel says that time & distance have given her the perspective that this is one facet of her assailant's personality. She explains that he had his own trauma, & that she hopes he was able to get the help he needed. This leads to a discussion about how our trauma doesn't give us permission to treat others poorly.
- (38:25) Mel talks about the importance of sharing her story. We talk about wanting to do better for the next generation, that we need to have these discussions to raise awareness.
- (44:39) Mel explains that she connected with a sexual assault centre, & then later worked for their hotline. She describes how this became part of her healing journey. She shares her advice for anybody recovering from a sexual assault or supporting a friend after a sexual assault.
Mel's Bio
Mel F.P. is a mother, partner, friend, & lover of life. She believes her journey will be what she makes of it &, so far, she wouldn't change a thing. Mel believes there is a lot of joy that can come from change & is constantly working to, live in the now. She lives happily in Brooklin, Ontario with her partner, two children, & a reasonably well-behaved Australian Shepherd named Islay. You can find Mel on Instagram at @meldfp
For more information
Assaulted women's helpline 1.866.863.0511
Helpguide.org: Recovering from rape and sexual assault
Tips for talking with survivors of sexual assault
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