Some of us weren’t raised to become ourselves, we were raised to be manageable. Quiet. Small. This Village Voice essay is a raw return to truth: burning the survival costume, reclaiming instinct, and choosing the real you.
Written & Read by Alli Gatlin
THE WOMAN I WAS NOT RAISED TO BE
I was not built by the people who were supposed to shape me.
Built in the wreckage of everything they broke.
I was not raised to be this version.
I was molded to survive. To stay quiet.
Raised to make myself small so other people could stay comfortable.
To ignore my own instincts and call it humility.
Raised to disappear.
Who I am today is the woman who crawled out of that.
I used to move through the world like I was haunting my own life.
Present, but not alive.
Smiling while numb.
Agreeing while unsettled.
Shrinking while screaming internally.
I learned how to be palatable before I ever learned how to be honest.
That was never my real identity.
That was survival wearing a mask.
The woman I am today had to claw her way out of the person I was taught to be.
I burned the costume.
I dug through years of silence and found a voice that had dust on it but still worked.
I stopped performing strength so other people could stay fragile.
I stopped letting fear dress up as loyalty.
I stopped being the safest place for people who were never safe for me.
Who I am today is someone who writes the truth even when it shakes my hands.
Someone who protects the girl inside me who spent years unprotected.
Someone who finally learned that clarity is not soft.
Clarity cuts away the lies you inherited.
I am someone who sits with the rage I used to swallow.
Someone who feels the grief I used to bury.
Someone who knows healing is not beautiful.
It is excavation.
It is dirty and real and not meant to impress anyone.
I do not care about being inspirational.
I care about being alive.
I care about helping people stop sleepwalking through their own lives.
I care about teaching people to hear themselves after years of silencing their instincts.
If you are here, you are not looking for a perfect person to follow.
You are looking for someone who tells the truth you have been avoiding.
You are looking for someone who speaks in a language your body remembers.
You are looking for permission to stop pretending.
Here it is.
The woman I am today is the most honest I have ever been.
The most awake.
The most myself.
I want you to meet the version of you that you were not raised to be either.
Not the polished version.
Not the high functioning version.
Not the polite version.
The real one.
The one underneath all the noise.
The one who has been waiting for you to choose her.
That is who I write for.
That is who this space is for.
That is who I am today.
🖤— Alli
