We’re all on a wild ride together. There’s no question about that. Every part of our lives — including health, politics, cultural norms, and the environment — is in crisis. Depression and anxiety are skyrocketing. I don’t know about you, but it sometimes it feels like life is spinning out of control.
When I sit down to write about sex, or speak to a group, a coach, or a client, the question, “Why have sex?” keeps bubbling up. Even in ordinary times it’s important to answer this question, but especially so these days.
Let’s look at some of the roles sex plays in our lives and why now, more than ever, sexual intimacy can support our health and well-being.
Intimacy and biology
Intimacy is my number one reason for keeping sex alive (and fulfilling) during stressful times. That applies to partner sex and solo sex. Feeling intimate is a basic human need. Sexual intimacy is a uniquely potent manifestation of that. It requires us to open up , welcome pleasure into our experience, and share our bodies as well as our hearts.
Being seen by our partner in our desire and orgasmic energy is extremely intimate and vulnerable. We feel seen, accepted, and wanted. These experiences feed our hearts and souls, and all these feelings help regulate us emotionally. When we’re emotionally replenished with expressions of intimacy, we’re better able to meet the world’s demands with balance, calm and clarity.
Similarly, being sexually active and fulfilled impacts our self-esteem. Feeling loved up and satisfied brightens our day and how we relate to work, parenting, and the world. Everyone in our life benefits from our sexual satisfaction!
From hormones to neurotransmitters, sex creates states of relaxation and closeness that can impact a relationship for days afterwards. One female client says the closeness she and her partner feel after sex is her “why” for having sex in the first place. She sees the difference it makes in her partner’s state of happiness and mood, as well as her own. This positively impacts how she views her partner, which in turn enhances his feelings of love and acceptance for her. The wheels go around and round.
Orgasms don’t just feel good in the moment: they also help protect us from depression and anxiety. So, partnered or solo, it’s healthy to include orgasms in your mental fitness routine.
Those same hormones bolster our immune system, helping us to ward off illness. Sex also reduces stress.
Chronic stress is endemic in our crazy world. Its damage touches every part of our human body and brain and can lead to conditions such as high blood pressure, inflammation and disease. Sexual intimacy and orgasmic release reset our nervous system and return us to a much-needed state of peace and calm.
Sex is a pain reliever. Stepping out of the contraction of pain and turning our attention to pleasure may shift brain chemistry and alter one’s experience of pain.
Sex helps us sleep better, too!
It’s an accepted fact that sex reduces heart attacks and strokes. Having sex is on par with a brisk walk or light exercise, and it’s a lot more fun.
All this is to say, find your “why’s” for keeping sex interesting and desirable — and remember them! Sex isn’t just for the stress-free, the turned-on, or the wild explorers; sex is for every human.
Sexuality is an integral part of who we are born to be. It’s a magical concoction of brain chemistry, hormones, and our nervous system mixed with so much vulnerability, love, and intimacy that it calms and soothes a worried mind.
Use sex to enhance your life emotionally, physically, psychologically, and spiritually. Put sex to use in ways that extend and enliven your quality of life.
If sex has become predictable, intercourse and orgasm driven, or another task to cross off your to-do list, It’s time to learn and grow together.
Are my posts valuable to your life and relationship? Please like and share. :)
The Turned-On Couple Community is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
