February is Grief Month around here.Not the official kind. The lived-in, personal, quietly heavy kind.
In this bonus episode, Blair Kaplan Venables and her sister Alana Kaplan sit down to talk about what February has come to mean for them, how their grief rituals have evolved, and why sometimes the most healing plan is having no plan at all.
Why February Is Grief Month for Us
February holds the anniversaries of both of our parents’ deaths.
February 18 is “Dead Dad Day.”February 23 is “Dead Mom Day.”
These aren’t dates we chose lightly, and they aren’t labels meant to shock. They’re shorthand. A way of naming something heavy without pretending it’s lighter than it is.
This year marks the fourth anniversary of our dad’s death and the fifth anniversary of our mom’s. And while grief doesn’t disappear with time, the way we move through it has shifted.
Less structure.Less expectation.More listening to what our nervous systems actually need.
Grief Week, Year Four (and Five, Unofficially)
Every year around this time, we meet somewhere warm. What started as a promise to each other after our parents died has turned into an annual ritual we lovingly call Grief Week or, as we’ve nicknamed it, Spring Break for Sad People.
This year, it’s Puerto Vallarta.
Not for sightseeing.Not for productivity.Not for transformation.
We’re staying at an all-inclusive resort because grief is exhausting and decision-making is overrated when your heart is tired. The goal is simple: be sad and warm together.
No jeans.Minimal plans.Maximum ease.
Sometimes healing looks like rest, room service, and not asking yourself to be anything other than human.
How Grief Changes Over Time
In the early years, grief anniversaries required planning. Intentional rituals. Emotional scaffolding just to get through the day.
Now, there’s more flexibility.
Some years call for ceremony.Some years call for distraction.Some years call for lying by a pool and letting the waves do the regulating.
There is no right way to mark a grief anniversary. There is only the way that meets you where you are now, not where you think you should be.
Boundaries During Grief Are Not Optional
One of the most important parts of this conversation was about boundaries.
Grief doesn’t always look dramatic. Sometimes it looks like canceling plans. Saying no. Pulling inward. Choosing rest over explanation.
And not everyone understands that.
Blair shared a recent experience of canceling plans during Grief Month and being confronted for it. The reminder here matters: you do not owe anyone productivity, cheerfulness, or availability while you are grieving.
Your boundaries are allowed to exist even when others are uncomfortable with them.
Especially then.
If You’re Navigating Grief Anniversaries Right Now
Here’s what we want you to hear:
You don’t have to do this “well.”You don’t have to honor your grief publicly.You don’t have to explain your needs.
You can mark the day quietly.You can ignore the calendar entirely.You can cry, travel, rest, work, or do nothing at all.
Grief Month isn’t about performing sadness. It’s about giving yourself permission to feel what’s already there.
A Final Word for Grief Month
If February is heavy for you, too, you’re not alone.
Honour your grief in whatever way feels right.Choose ease where you can.Be sad and warm if possible.
And if all you manage is getting through the day, that counts.
Happy Grief Month.We’re right here with you.
You’re officially under the Griefluence.
X Blair + Alana
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P.P.S. Are you like us (and disco balls), and built from broken pieces? Check out our recent, limited-edition drop.
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