Hello and welcome to my 7th episode of Quantum Waves of Wellness. This is Dr. Paula Apro still recording from my solo stay in Mexico and this past week was a difficult one for me. I usually have no issues going everywhere and doing everything alone while I'm here for a month. Being an introvert, my batteries charge when I'm alone. But last week was Valentine's Day and it brought up some feelings.
Now don't get me wrong, I had no issues with not having a Valentine’s dinner date. I guess I sort of did . . . a virtual one with my husband. I wasn't feeling left out or like I was missing anything, but it did bring up my reoccurring issues with self-worth and self-love. My husband always suggests that I go out and treat myself to something nice but yet I never do. For some reason, I feel like spending money frivolously on myself is a "waste." Why is that? Why don't I feel worthy of such spoiling?
This is not something new in my life. This is something I've been battling for my entire life. Two years ago while here in Mexico I visited my Pranic healer, who also happens to be an astrologer and a Human Design consultant. That year she explained how very important it was for me to learn self-love. I can't remember the astrological reasons but I definitely got the feeling that it was very important that I make this a priority right away.
I left wondering how on Earth I would accomplish that. My first thought was to buy something in one of the local shops but I knew in my heart that would get me nowhere but feeling guilty. I guess I put it out of my mind until a couple of weeks later when I consulted with an iridologist. In case you don't know what that is, iridology is the study of the iris of our eyeballs. Just by analyzing all the various flecks of colors, a trained iridologist can not only evaluate your current health but also predict what's coming in the future.
How very bizarre that this iridologist just happens to mention to me that I should go and buy myself a Kunzite crystal. At that time I was not familiar with Kunzite so I did a quick internet search only to find out it's a crystal to help with Self Love. OK, the message is now being received. Clearly, I had some work to do on this topic.
I bought the crystal, I thought I put some effort into self-love, but really how do you know you're making progress in this department? I guess I forgot about it until two years later . . . this past summer . . . when I finally went for a medical checkup after not seeing a doctor for several years. And that doctor told me I needed to see a cardiologist and I needed to go on medication. I guess that got my attention.
Not only did it get my attention but it suddenly made me think back to these previous suggestions about the importance of finding self-love. After all, our heart is the center of our love. If mine was empty perhaps that is the reason my heart was not healthy.
This created a state of worry and the mere suggestion that something may be wrong with my heart caused me to start getting physical symptoms of heart disease. Boy, I'll tell you, the power of suggestion is the most powerful thing and it works both ways. You can have a placebo effect where you believe that some medicine can cure you, but on the flip side, you can also have a nocebo effect which is the belief that you are in danger and something will harm you.
Ever since all this attention was put on my heart, the suggestion that I go on medication, and the need for artery tests I hate to admit this but I started to feel terrible. I had near-constant thumping in my left ear from my carotid artery not flowing properly. I was getting dizzy, often had a racing irregular heartbeat, and even had funny sensations in my left arm. What on earth was going on?
So while I waited for my artery test I revisited the idea of trying to love myself more. I got some books by Louise Hay and read as many books on self-love as I could find. What was shocking was what happened when I muscled-tested myself as I stood in front of the mirror repeating Louise Hay's self-love affirmations. My energy was weakened every time I told myself that I loved me. Or even when I stated that "Life loves me."
How depressing was that? But Louise Hay had a great suggestion. She said, "If you cannot state, 'Life loves me,' change the sentence to say, 'I am willing to let life love me today.'" And sure enough, that worked. I held strong for that statement and it didn't take me long to build up to telling myself that life did indeed love me and so did I.
It was finally time to go for my big artery test and I lay on the table afraid of what the technician would discover. But to my surprise, I got a clean bill of health and was told that everything looked great. I was truly shocked.
And I'll never forget the feeling of walking out of there. My whole perspective changed. The thumping in my ear completely stopped, as did my racing heart and irregular heartbeat. I never had funny sensations in my left arm again and it's been over 3 months.
So I learned a couple of lessons through all that. First, just the suggestion that something is wrong with you can create more of a problem than the problem itself. Our minds are very powerful and they can very easily be very destructive. If we could only harness that power for good we would be so much better off.
I have to admit that I didn't continue my Louise Hay self-love mirror work as I should have. You know how it goes. When you're feeling good, you slack off on taking care of yourself. But the minute you find out something is wrong you get very motivated.
Well, this past Valentine's Day I took some time to reflect on my inner feelings. I thought about how I spend most of my time here in Mexico . . . working like a nut . . . always striving to improve myself and my business, always looking for my next project or the next thing to learn. I have been an over-achieving work-a-holic my entire life. This is something that I've always been proud of but suddenly I'm realizing that maybe, just maybe it's a sign of my inner insecurities. Why do I need to work so hard? Why do I need so many credentials and degrees? What am I trying to prove, or hide?
These are hard questions that sometimes only come when you're alone, and in my case, on Valentine’s Day. So . . . for my present to myself this year, I decided . . . to decide . . . that I am enough, just the way I am. I am worthy of laying on the beach for as long as I want to. I am worthy of NOT attaining the next certification. I'm worthy of NOT feeling the need to have thousands of Substack followers (although it would be nice!) 😊 And I am worthy of just being rather than always having to be doing.
And so are you!
Thanks for listening to Quantum Waves of Wellness where I like to remind you if you can change your energy, you can change your life.
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