Introduction
Dr. Nicole Ohebshalom joins me to talk about EMDR therapy, trauma,shame, attachment, the body, and high performers.We get into what happens when insight alone isn’t enough.Why some people intellectualize.Why not everyone experiences emotions strongly in their body.And why good trauma therapy involves much more than simply processingpainful memories.
This episode begins with a conversation about shame, and bridges intomany relevant psychology topics.Dr. Nicole Ohebshalom and I talk about:• How relationships activate old beliefs.• Why knowing your patterns is different from changing them (whyinsight alone can fail to heal)• EMDR negative cognitions.• Attachment wounds.• The body in therapy.• Intellectualization.• High performers.• Parts work.• Resourcing.• Why not everybody experiences emotion somatically (physically)• and also, why good trauma therapy sometimes requires slowing down.We also get into a misconception I hear often:"EMDR is just eye movements."EMDR reprocessing matters, and so does everything that makes thereprocessing possible.This is part 1 of a 2 part series, so keep an eye (or an ear) out forthe next episode, releasing soon.
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Show notes with Timestamps
Chapters00:00 — Dr. Nicole Ohebshalom: EMDR, trauma therapy & sex therapyNicole's background in trauma studies, human sexuality, clinicalcounseling, EMDR, couples work, and women's health.00:44 — Shame, childhood trauma & attachmentWhere shame comes from.How early relationships shape adult intimacy.How shame becomes part of the dance between two people.01:42 — EMDR negative cognitions & fight-flight-freeze responsesThe beliefs underneath trauma."I'm not enough.""I'm too much.""I'll be left."How the body can continue reacting as though an old belief is still true.03:30 — EMDR reprocessing and changing relationship patternsWhat happens after a traumatic memory is processed?Can new relationship experiences help consolidate the change?04:12 — Couples therapy, attachment work, EFT & parts workIntegrating EMDR with relational therapy.Flash Technique.Emotionally Focused Therapy.Attachment figures.IFS and ego-state work.06:10 — Pelvic pain, vaginismus, anxiety & protective responsesHow physical symptoms can become part of a relationship cycle.One person pursues.The other withdraws.The body begins protecting itself.09:50 — The body in trauma therapyNicole's nursing background.Why she became interested in the connection between psychotherapy and the body.10:21 — “I'm not enough”: shame, schemas & negative beliefsThe beliefs people unconsciously organize their lives around.Self-concept.Intimacy.Abandonment.Dependency.The overlap between schemas and EMDR negative cognitions.11:31 — Attachment wounds and what the body remembersWhat message did your body pick up as a child?How early relational experiences become expectations about love,safety, and connection.13:46 — Emotional avoidance, defenses & blocking beliefsWhat happens when someone can't access emotion?Fear of feelings.Shame about emotion.And when emotional avoidance may function as a defense.14:17 — High performers, intellectualization & interoceptionA crucial distinction:Sometimes intellectualization is protective.Sometimes a person simply doesn't experience much sensation internally.Therapy shouldn't automatically pathologize that.15:19 — Is therapy too focused on “feeling it in your body”?The pendulum swing in modern trauma therapy.Why forcing emotional or somatic experience can itself become shaming.16:32 — Integration vs. catharsis in psychotherapyThe goal isn't necessarily to feel more:it's to integrate more.Why highly intelligent and high-achieving clients can understand allof their patterns and still remain stuck.18:12 — Trauma-informed pacing vs. avoidanceWhen should a therapist gently push?When should therapy slow down?How intellectualization can become an escape without becoming the enemy.19:21 — EMDR myths: it's not just eye movementsOne of the biggest misconceptions about EMDR therapy.Bilateral stimulation is only one part of the model.Case conceptualization, treatment planning, preparation, reprocessing,closure, and reevaluation all matter.21:17 — Why therapists shouldn't rush trauma processingThe temptation to immediately target a painful memory.Why good EMDR treatment planning asks what larger network that memorybelongs to.23:22 — High achievers, resilience & strengths-based trauma therapyTrauma survivors often arrive knowing everything that has gone wrong.What happens when therapy also helps them recognize what survived?24:48 — EMDR resourcing & the “positive memory playlist”Calm places.Wise figures.Nurturing figures.Past experiences of competence and strength.Building accessible memories that say: I can do this.25:51 — IFS, ego states & parts work in EMDRManagers.Firefighters.Protective parts.Addiction and emotional avoidance.Understanding what a protective part is actually afraid will happen.26:40 — Parts work, chronic PTSD & stabilizationWhy Nicole increasingly spends more time with parts of the self beforereprocessing.Creating internal resources before asking someone to approachtraumatic material.28:05 — Trauma preparation, containment & the window of toleranceSometimes slowing down makes the difficult work go more smoothly.Preparation isn't avoiding trauma work,It is part of trauma work.28:47 — Somatic therapy & body-based EMDR interweavesMovement during reprocessing.Getting out of the chair.Following physical impulses.Using curiosity when EMDR reaches a stuck point.29:38 — Movement, grounding & deeper trauma processingNicole describes using the environment and physical movement during anextended EMDR session.30:22 — EMDR 2.0, working memory & attention taxationMovement.Changing tasks.Additional attentional demands.And different ways of keeping one foot in the present while traumaticmaterial is being reprocessed.
TopicsEMDR therapy • trauma therapy • PTSD • shame • attachment • childhoodtrauma • couples therapy • emotionally focused therapy • negativecognitions • fight-flight-freeze • somatic therapy • high performers •high achievers • intellectualization • emotional avoidance • IFS •Internal Family Systems • ego states • parts work • resilience •trauma processing • trauma-informed therapy • EMDR resourcing •nervous system regulation • window of tolerance • pelvic pain •psychotherapy
