Healthy relationships require that we are open to being influenced. After all, what is a relationship if it doesn't include give and take. In this episode of Breaking Bread, Kaleb Beyer explains what both research and experience has taught him about the importance of accepting influence in relationships.
Show notes:
What does accepting relational influence mean?
- Allowing those we are in relationship with to shape and impact our thinking, feeling and behaving.
What does not accepting relational influence look like?
- Relationship rigidity resulting in dismissing or being un-moved by the input, wisdom, experience and interaction of another individual.
What does the research say?
- Husbands who accept influence from their wives tend to have happier and more satisfying relationships.
- The more influence a spouse is willing to accept, the more influential they can be.
What makes accepting relational influence difficult?
- Being defensive or the tendency to recoil from perceived challenges.
- Black and white thinking or the tendency to see matters in either/or categories.
- Avoidant or the tendency to avoid relationship disagreement and friction.
- Misunderstood roles in relationship or the tendency to enter a relationship with a role modeled or taught to you that does not permit influence.
- Lack of relationship safety.
What happens if we don't accept influence?
- The relationship tends towards disconnection.
Does accepting influence mean finding agreement?
- Yes and no. Yes – you both agree that the other is worth understanding well enough to know when and how to yield to them. No – agreement is not the objective. In fact, disagreement is common and still should include influence.
What does healthy influence look like amid disagreement?
- When a person says "no" in a relationship, they should simultaneously say "yes" to the friend or spouse they are in relationship with. By this we mean, those we are in relationship should always feel they have been understood and valued enough to have influenced us regardless of the decision at hand.
