Hey hey, welcome back to Teaching Autism and Special Education!
Today, we’re talking about one of the toughest (and most misunderstood) parts of our job, supporting students through aggression and meltdowns without resorting to punishment.
Because here’s the truth: Punishment doesn’t teach regulation.
It teaches fear. And our students deserve better than that.
In this episode, I’m breaking down:
The real difference between meltdowns and tantrums
Why traditional discipline often backfires in SPED settings
How to show up with compassion and safety, even when things get messy
This one’s for the educators in the thick of it, showing up with love even when it’s hard. 💛
The neurological truth about meltdowns and aggression
Why punitive responses can make behaviors worse
Practical, neuro-affirming strategies to use in the moment
How to co-regulate and connect, instead of isolate and shame
What to do after a meltdown to teach new skills (the right way)
Meltdowns ≠ tantrums: They’re a fight-or-flight response, not manipulation.
Aggression is communication: It doesn’t mean the child is “bad”, they’re overwhelmed.
Punishment teaches fear: Support builds trust.
Regulation starts with you: Your calm can anchor their storm.
Connection matters most: Even when behavior is intense, don’t withdraw your presence.
Stay Calm, Even When It’s Hard
➡️ Your nervous system becomes theirs, so breathe, soften, and anchor.
Remove the Audience, Not the Student
➡️ Create a safe space for regulation without adding shame.
Say Less, Show More
➡️ Skip the lecture. Use visuals, modeling, and low words.
Co-Regulate, Don’t Isolate
➡️ Sit with them, support them, and offer tools, not timeouts.
Teach Skills Later, Not in the Moment
➡️ When calm returns, that’s when the learning happens.
Yes, safety always comes first.
But safety doesn’t have to come at the expense of compassion.
You can hold boundaries and still lead with empathy.
Have a plan. Prep your team. Create safe spaces.
But remember, connection is the true prevention.
This episode hit home?
Share it with a fellow educator or tag me on Instagram @teachingautism, I love hearing how these tools support your students (and you).
Looking for calming visuals, regulation tools, or post-meltdown reflection sheets?
They’re waiting for you over at teachingautism.co.uk.
No fluff, just real tools that work.
You’re not a bad teacher because a student has big behaviors.
You’re a safe teacher because they’re having them with you.
This work is messy, and emotional, and exhausting, and still, you show up.
That is powerful. That is healing.
And that is making a difference every single day.
🎧 Hit play and let’s rewrite the script on behavior support, one connection at a time.
Subscribe, leave a review, or send this to the educator in your life who needs to hear: you’re not alone in this.
