1-Cecil Gaines, The Butler
2-North Carolina moving backwards
3-Virginia staying backwards
4-Texas, well theyre just Texas
5-Damn constitution stopped a frisky Bloomberg
6-Someone please save Chicago
7-Deficit is dropping Both sides anxious to take credit for not giving credit
8-Oprah dissed, may buy Stitzerland
9-You can?t name your kid Messiah, just ask God
