Have you ever seen someone disciplining a kid? Or maybe you've had to talk to a kid about something? You might have noticed that the moment your tone changes, they're almost always aware of what will follow — treats, rewards, scolding, or even punishment. Kids are incredibly good at picking up on your tone of voice, far better than adults.
But let's go back for a second. What is your tone of voice? Simply put, it's the way you say something. Whether it's an offer or a rejection, a request or a demand, your tone of voice impacts others and yourself more than you can imagine. For example, you could unwittingly criticize your child or your partner if you don't take a moment to check your tone. Sometimes, this could be stress-related, where you're displacing frustrations. Other times, this could be a reflection of how you truly view the other person deep inside. Often, it's not what you say but how you say it that hurts people.
We often unknowingly employ tone of voice to get what we want. Think about the last time you were charming, sweet, or personable to get something you wanted from an otherwise closed-off person? Or in reverse, when you indicated through an icy or detached tone of voice that you didn't care? Being aware of your tone of voice can help you be more sensitive, more patient, more understanding, softer or stronger in what you're trying to convey.
Along with tone of voice, Robert discusses the dangers of selectively hearing what you want and projecting your hearings/desires onto someone else. This can either lead people into a state of openness or resistance. Awareness of tone of voice and its impact can prevent hurt, misunderstanding, and other injurious situations.
Although therapy is a neutral space, Robert shares how his tone of voice has been the best, most direct, and loving way to touch his clients' hearts. At the same time, to prevent countertransference (projection of unresolved conflicts), he has developed an evolving awareness of his tone of voice, while acknowledging areas that he needs to continue to watch. When you take some time to reflect on your chosen tones of voice, you will notice that they are similar to some core essential qualities that can help you through challenging situations.
Read the transcription and listen to this episode at Awareness That Heals.
