0:49:21 And I think that's the moral. And if not, you need to seek resources. And I agree with you, sometimes that's HR, but also I think mentors and sponsors and people are way more powerful.

0:49:34 You're a tribe. You're tribe. And whether that's just getting you through it or pointing you maybe backdoor to somebody or helping you with the chess match that unfortunately it really is. And ultimately look around yourself, and if this person is not an outlier and if you don't see a path...

0:49:54 It's probably not the right place for you.

0:50:03 And sometimes there are probably people listening who are like, "I'm not at the decision-making table. I'm just like a poor innocent victim." And what I'll say to that too is like, we all have the ability and the responsibility to make change in our own life.

0:50:22 And to recognize when shit's not right. And if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. But your best defense mechanism is to be f****** excellent. You can't counter a bully or bullshit if you aren't excellent. So you have to protect yourself and make sure you don't get completely demoralized and beat down because you have to be excellent.

0:50:37 And you have to wear your insecurities on the outside. You have to be f****** transparent because they prey on your insecurities. Their own insecurities are what drive them.

0:50:50 They prey on yours. So if they can't make you sad or hurt or make you feel less or make you feel underpaid, they got no fuel.

0:51:04 They have no fuel. There's no fuel. They're gonna implode or they're gonna move on to somebody else.

0:51:11 Go back to the childhood days. I was bullied a lot as a child. Not a surprise. But if they get nothing from you, they got nothing to fuel them. They'll move on.

0:51:20 That's right. And that's another strategy and technique, which I've used for over 10 years now, and I can't tell you how many people have said, "Oh my God, that makes such a difference."

0:51:32 At the end of the day, there's three pockets of people. There's the people that you really trust — the best bucket, right?

0:51:39 There's people that you just know you don't trust. And then the people in the middle. And the people in the middle are the worst.

0:51:45 You always have to be finding those people that are in the middle. Maybe there's a story to yourself where you're like, "I don't think they like me," or "sometimes they're nice to me, sometimes they're not."

0:51:53 And I think those are the ones you have to work on the most. You have to get them in one bucket or another.

0:51:58 Don't have them in the middle. And if they end up being in the sucky bucket, then you need to turn your edit.

0:52:03 You have to say one thing and you say, "It sucks to be them."

0:52:10 And it sounds so trivial. I cannot tell you because the narrative behind that is: it does. You have to deal with them a couple hours a week. Twenty-four-seven, they have to live with themselves.

0:52:21 And if you can change your mindset from one of anger to one of empathy — and I don't mean superficial empathy — they're still a bad person. But if you can turn it to an empathy that actually empowers you that says, "You know what? I really feel sorry for them."

0:52:30 "I get to go home. I'm smiling. I'm having fun with my kids. I have great friends. I have dinner tonight. We're going to be laughing. I've got a good life."

0:52:44 It's funny you say that because when I go back to my original conversations about what I think authenticity is, I tied it to compassion. And you can have that empathetic feeling if you can find empathy even for the bully.

0:53:02 It just enhances your authenticity, which makes you rise. And a lot of times bullies get freaking mad when they see people being authentic around them and then the world responding to them positively.

0:53:20 You might get fired. You might get beat by your bully. You might be like me — you might have gotten fired. But it also might end up having a really positive outcome because you were able to connect with people in other ways.

0:53:38 People saw you navigating this hard experience in different ways. There's a lot of positivity there.

0:53:44 So maybe we should wrap it up. We can wrap it up with telling maybe giving a little glimpse into why one of the main reasons you're here.

0:53:57 Hey everybody, just thanking Dr. Scholl's, another non-sponsor of ours, for making great shoes. Who knew that they didn't just make shoe inserts and things that reduce the smelliness of my boyfriend's closet?

0:54:07 We're here because we're going to be planning a live event that plays on the theme of the ladies' conference and so much more than that — the Ladies Conference Takeover.

0:54:24 The thought of actually us being us live and talking about one of our favorite subjects and having it be interactive is exciting.

0:54:39 So I got this sort of random ask to speak at what was a fairly high-powered ladies conference in New York City. There were a lot of high-powered speakers, they were all dressed in suits and looked very professional.

0:55:26 She asks me things like marital status and if I have children. And I said, "That's interesting." Like, you would want them in a paragraph at the end?

0:55:55 So I'm like, "Okay, let me take another stab at the bio." And my feeling was: why am I going to write a bio that tells me everything I'm not?

0:56:13 So I rewrote the bio. I was like, "Nicole got a grant. She's not married..." I wrote it in the negative.

0:56:30 I wrote the whole thing in the negative and it was really funny. And are you surprised that the next email was, "Thank you very much for this interesting bio. I'd like you to know that all the spaces to speak are now full, but we'll keep you in our records for next year."

0:57:39 My authenticity did not plug into there.

0:58:15 I think I kind of knew this was me blowing up the opportunity. But the good news is somebody found me and actually wanted me to be part of their professional panel.

0:59:09 So maybe this is my style. Maybe it's under the rules. Maybe it's the universe sending a sign through the mud.

1:00:00 One of the visions that we've always had is eventually taking this podcast live. But it's more than that. It's creating something different.

1:00:19 We don't have to wait years and years to have some huge following and do some big event. We can create something now.

1:01:26 It's everything from content to physical structure. The 8-10 person tables, the panels that say everything, the shitty food, and nobody laughing at the stuff we all should be laughing at.

1:02:10 So we're doing it for free, but we're doing it in New York on October 3rd. We expect to have around 40 or 50 women gathered.

1:04:46 It's really good to go back to the concept of community. Build your f****** community. They're going to push you. They're going to hold you accountable.

1:05:12 The universe listens to the brave.

1:05:35 Hey friends, Erin here. So if you're digging what we're dishing out and you don't want us to cry, give up, and quit it all, please be sure to subscribe and rate our podcast.

1:06:08 We're all jacked up and running around like crazy, cranking out new and fun stuff that will help you rock your career.

1:06:46 We're on social too — Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn. Come party with us there.