“I think I’m bad at joy,” said my client Laura at the start of our last coaching call.
She went on to tell me about a mini road trip she and her boyfriend took over the weekend. There was a moment in the car when everything felt right in the world — the sun was shining, the windows were down, her favorite music was blasting, and her boyfriend smiled over at her and put his arm around the back of her seat.
“I literally thought my heart was going to burst, I was so blissed out in that moment,” she said.
But it didn’t last long. Almost immediately, Laura’s mind started to freak out:
“I really shouldn’t have taken this trip. My boss is already annoyed that I took a whole week off earlier this month, and now I’m taking another long weekend?? Ugh, going back to work on Tuesday is going to be fun… And I probably should’ve put the money I spent on this trip toward my student loans. I’m going to be paying those off forever. Maybe I should get a second job. Or a higher paying job. But what kind of job? Do I need a second degree to get a better paying job? But that would mean MORE student loans. And what if I don’t even like that job? I’m never going to figure this out…”
Within 30 seconds, Laura’s joy had evaporated.
She asked me, “What happened? I was so happy, and then I just … wasn’t. It was like all of these crazy anxious thoughts took over my brain. What’s wrong with me?”
There’s nothing wrong with Laura. She just has the same impulse that most people I know have — to rein in her joy.
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