This episode of the Code4Couples podcast dives into "authoritarian spillover" — the unconscious way officers' on-the-job command presence can follow them home. Cyndi explains how this survival skill, critical in high-pressure law enforcement situations, can unintentionally create tension, micromanagement, and disconnection in police marriages and law enforcement families.
In this episode, you'll learn:
What authoritarian spillover is and how it impacts police spouses, police couples, and law enforcement families.
Why command presence is vital for police officer stress management at work but can create conflict at home.
Signs that "command mode" is starting to switch on in everyday situations.
How to use awareness, shared language, and communication strategies to protect your law enforcement marriage.
Practical ways for officers and spouses to shift from protector mode to partner mode, improving law enforcement family support.
Hosted by Cyndi Doyle — founder of Code4Couples®, licensed professional counselor supervisor, retired police wife, and author of Hold the Line. Cyndi specializes in helping first responder couples protect their relationships while navigating the unique challenges of law enforcement life.
📖 Get your copy of Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship → https://www.amazon.com/Hold-Line-Protecting-Enforcement-Relationship-ebook/dp/B08TPRTY9G#customerReviews
🎤 Book Cyndi to speak at your department, conference, or wellness event → https://code4couples.com/training/
00:00 Intro
01:00 Shoutout to Responder Life
02:15 "I'm not one of your citizens" – a personal story
03:20 What is authoritarian spillover?
06:00 How command presence shows up at home
08:00 Step 1: Awareness for officers and spouses
10:00 Creating a shared signal to stand down
12:00 Communicating feelings under stress
14:00 Shifting from protector to partner
15:30 Practical language changes that help
16:00 How to learn more + closing thoughts
