According to Wikipedia the definition of the term compare and despair is "to distress oneself by comparing one's own situation with others who are more successful" however I believe it's more far reaching than that. When you compare and despair you can be judging yourself, your situation, your choices or your worth as a woman, mother, employee, friend, spouse, etc.
The tendency to compare yourself to others and then despair about the comparison can come in the form of believing you aren't as (fill in the blank) as someone else like when you look at a high school friend's Facebook page and feel horrible because their house is so much nicer. It can also come in the form of comparing your past to your present and wishing you could go back in time like when you leave your job and start regretting the decision because the new job is more challenging than the last.
On the flip side, sometimes you may compare yourself or your situation in order to feel better like when you hear about someone struggling with their child's grades and you silently think "At least my kid isn't getting grades as bad as hers". You may believe there's no harm in comparison when it gives you a fleeting sense of validation but it is still part of the same problem.
Both sides of the comparison coin are an issue because you are still criticizing yourself and looking for relief in the form of more comparisons. You start by comparing yourself or your situation and feeling bad which then leads you to compare yourself or your situation to feel better.
This week I'm going to discuss why you compare and despair, why it's a problem and how you can learn to stop.
