This week Garrett and Danielle tackle the topic of money yet again as dual producers. Their marriage was on the verge of divorce when Danielle found motivation to take care of herself as a possible single parent that has now led to the success we see today within her salon, DKW Styling, training other Stylists on her hair extension technique known as Natural Beaded Rows.
In This Week's Podcast....MONEY
Point #1: Inside the Pit of Chaos
- During the time they were knocking on the door of divorce, Garrett was reeling from the market crash and had stopped producing. There's an interesting game that plays out inside of money when the man isn't producing, and together they were trying to figure it all out. During that transition it really depolarized them as a couple energetically.
- Danielle realized she could help out financially and began turning her business into something more than a hobby. She wanted to be taken care of and also wanted to have freedom from the guilt of buying nice things for herself, remembering how her mother worked so their family could have nice things beyond their basic needs.
QUESTION: How have you seen your roles altered inside your marriage when financial challenges have arisen?
Point #2: The Fight For the Throne
- There was this huge shift of power that came about because of money. Garrett went from the king of the castle to the servant of the queen who had her feet on both thrones while wearing both the King's crown and the Queen's crown. This is the reality of production: it's not just about the topic of money, it's about the power play of production.
- Many times when a man loses the ability to produce and provide, and loses trust inside of that relationship, the woman is forced to go into masculine mode in order to produce, which creates this whole different dynamic and challenge. Garrett was under under assault and fighting for the throne that Danielle was sitting on. Gentlemen, you're not getting the throne until you prove that you're actually the man.
QUESTION: Where are you as a couple in this Game of Thrones?
Point #3: From Gucci's to Steel Toed Dude Shoes
- Danielle felt like she was the man in the relationship. If Garrett was trying to control her she'd tell him "you don't have a fucking leg to stand on right now." She was constantly annoyed by him and always trying to pull the rug out from under him which led to a lot of wars.
- When Garrett started becoming more consistent, Danielle felt that the safety net was back and she could start letting up a little on her intensity of the hustle and grind. As she let up on the gas, Garrett began getting in her face to prove he was more powerful. They started to go to war in a different direction which killed their ability to communicate.
QUESTION: Have you experienced this dynamic as a couple?
Point #4: Selective Cheap Bastard Mode
- Danielle: Garrett's not big on any holiday. Most people look forward to holidays but he doesn't. My love language is all about the gifts, but his isn't. He'll give a bum $40 and yet forget my birthday or won't do anything for it. I've now figured out a little trick that gets me what I want from Garrett.
- Garrett: There will be times when Danielle wants to do something financially and I am thinking "this is ridiculous, there's no fucking way, I don't get it." On the flip side, when it comes to rebuilding a salon, I'll turn the switch on and Danielle goes into cheap bastard mode saying, "No!" My justification with money is: if it's an investment, I put the money in.
QUESTION: What are your 'Cheap Bastard Modes?' What dynamic does that create in your relationship?
Point #5: The Collision Inside the Money Game
- After eight months of not going to battle, they found themselves in the middle of a war zone recently around the topic of business. This reminded Garrett of a 'shit show' they created years back while dining in a quaint little restaurant in Beverly Hills, where both of them were losing their minds and Garrett was ready to throw the table across the room.
- Garrett: It comes down to this: People want to feel validated in their desires with money. I want to feel validated inside my world when it comes to what I want financially, and you want to feel validated that your opinion matters when it comes to what you want financially.
QUESTION: Do you battle often as a couple? How much of that is 'healthy collision' and how much of it is a down right war zone?
Communication Challenge:
Begin the conversation of validation and what it looks like for each of you inside of your relationship.
Date Night Topic:
What is going to be the next stretch for you two as a couple financially that will pull you two forward? For us, it was our new home. What will it be for you?
Quote of the Week:
"One of the most fucked up stories that I was telling myself my entire life that did not start shifting until the last 1 1/2 to 2 years passionately, which has taken our marriage and our lives to an entirely different level beyond the date night strategy is this: I had to start looking at my investment in my wife and in my family as a return on investment. The moment I began to see that my family was an investment, the interesting thing is I began to see my value in myself even more."
--Garrett J White
"If you are trying to push your husband to the next level or push the relationship or whatever it is financially, just take a look at what is possible. Don't say I wish we had this or that, just go see what is possible. A lot of people focus on their current reality and think "I can't possibly go there" and don't ask "what if" or "I wonder." We are both entrepreneurs and I knew that moving forward was always an option regardless of where we were currently at."
--Danielle K White
