Welcome to this week's steamy episode of the Date Your Wife podcast sponsored by DKW Styling and featuring dual producers inside the game of business, money, and life - Danielle K and Garrett J White - who are keeping it real and raw no matter what level of success they achieve. Although today's topic is one of the tougher topics for many couples to get real about, the White's break down all barriers and bare all in this week's enlightening, revealing and transparent conversation about sex.
Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month:
Week 1: Sex
Week 2: Money
Week 3: Parenting
Week 4: Communication
In This Week's Podcast....SEX
Point #1: Ass Cheeks 'n Thongs
- Danielle: We were at Cabo, lots of sex, no kids, drinking gin, and this medium-looking girl walks by with her guy, she's wearing a thong and has a tiny bum - even I noticed. It's when your head followed and you kept following. Usually, you're super respectful. But you kept prolonging that ass.
- Garrett: You caught me on that one. You do have control over how long you entertain, but you have zero control over the fact that if nine sets of ass cheeks are walking by you, and you're sitting there with your wife whose ass cheeks you love, as a guy in that environment it is a work of art to try to NOT do two things: #1- look, #2- try to not be weird about it when you're with your wife.
QUESTION: How do you feel about prolongued looks at the opposite sex by your partner?
Point #2: Sexual Triggers
- Danielle: Being turned on by a guy is all about how he carries himself; it's all about his energy and not about the idea of having sex with him. You might get butterflies and think, 'oh he's cute,' but usually you never entertain it until later when it comes up and you wonder why you're so horny.
- Garrett: As guys, we have a very different challenge because we are constantly being stimulated. You can be at church and a woman walks by wearing a shirt where her nipples are protruding and you can be a super committed loyal man to your wife, and nonetheless, you are sexually triggered.
QUESTION: What triggers you sexually?
Point #3: Finding Your Inner Stripper
- For years, Garrett wanted Danielle to send him sexy photos of herself, but for a long time, she wasn't about that. She eventually had a boudoir photo shoot that was not only for Garrett, but it also helped her find her inner stripper and channel more of her sexual being.
- "When I'm learning and growing in life, I'll do things to get out of my comfort zone because it pisses me off that I'm operating in a certain way. Doing the pictures made me nervous but I decided to just do it. It gives you permission to roleplay and it spices things up a little bit."
QUESTION: What is something you can do this week to step out of your comfort zone in your relationship?
Point #4: Reflection in the Mirror
- Garrett: It's very difficult for a guy to have his thoughts in check if he's not getting laid. As a guy, you are naturally sexually charged and if you and your wife are not having sex for whatever reason - if physical intimacy is not happening - his sexual energy goes even higher, which is what leads a man to go porn and masturbation, which ultimately leads to a bigger problem.
- Ladies, if you shame and guilt your husband because he's looking at porn, I'd invite you to look in the mirror at how you're showing up. The majority of men are looking at porn because they are not getting their sexual and emotional needs met at home - the relationship sex game is horseshit and not working out.
QUESTION: Ladies, how are you showing up sexually for your husband?
Point #5: Road to Nowhere
- With consistent porn consumption and masturbation, you will stop putting your sexual energy towards your wife. You deplete all of your sexual energy into the computer and into your cell phone, and through masturbation, you literally push your energy away into the nothing. There's no exchange of energy.
- Garrett: "Looking at porn and masturbating is a hollow experience. When I would go through these times of looking at porn and masturbating because Danielle and I were not on the same page, I would feel bad, alone and isolated. Turning to porn made it worse because I would start feeling even more resentment towards Danielle."
QUESTION: Gentlemen, where are you in the porn/masturbation cycle? How are your actions affecting your wife and your relationship?
Communication Challenge:
Ladies, how can you use sex as a tool and as a connecting piece to restore order in the relationship?
Date Night Topic:
Do a little role playing on your next Date Night to channel your inner stripper and add a little spice to the mix.
Quote of the Week:
"Guys, at the end of the day, keep all of that sexual energy in because it forces you to get committed to getting laid. This is what I have noticed for myself. If I keep all the sexual energy inside of me by not masturbating or looking at porn, then it forces me to focus all that energy on Danielle."
--Garrett J White
"Take the time to connect. Even if you're working a lot and don't see each other often, your relationship can only be as good as you're willing to work on it. If you're willing to cross the line for each other and not let it get too far disconnected, you can always stay in a good space. It's when you let it go too far that it takes that much longer to repair it and get back up. It's always a work in progress."
--Danielle K White
