From the perspective of powerful producers, parents, and business owners, Danielle and Garrett's insightful conversation sheds light on the important role money plays in marriage relationships.
Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month:
Week 1: Sex
Week 2: Money
Week 3: Parenting
Week 4: Communication
In This Week's Podcast….MONEY
Point #1: Details Matter
- Danielle: In a lot of relationships, men do the jobs and women take care of the details. I'm not factually oriented at all, and if you give me too much information, I shut down and I can't do it. One of the biggest things that helped our marriage was when Garrett decided to take over the bills. I found Garrett more attractive once he did that.
- Garrett: Part of this means taking on the bullshit – the stuff that is required when it comes to money. My wife didn't want to deal with paying the bills and my story was I just wanted to be able to focus on production so didn't want to take care of them.
QUESTION: How do you and your spouse handle the details in your marriage?
Point #2: Attraction Factor
- Garrett: As a man, if you're not getting it done financially inside of your relationship, you cannot demand attraction. Why? A woman wants to feel safe and secure, and she wants to be taken care of. Even if she's a Producer at the core, this is what she desires.
- Danielle: A lot of times in relationships, guys expect their wives to be the woman, yet they demand their wives to do the jobs that are typically dude jobs. If I expect Garrett to show up and be the man, I have to submit in certain areas; if he expects me to be the woman, then he has to take away those manly responsibilities and treat me like the woman.
QUESTION: Gentlemen, what comes up for you when you hear that most women want to be taken care of?
Point #3: Money Roles in Marriage
- Garrett: The truth is, I would yell at my wife about not getting on the phone with the insurance company. I began asking myself, "Do I want my wife getting on the phone and having her end up getting exhausted, fatigued and stressed out by dealing with the insurance company, and burning up all of her sexual energy in creative frustration in the process?" The answer was no.
- For the first ten years of our relationship, I expected my wife to be the man when it came to managing the money. What I saw in my house growing up was my mother managing the money while my dad was making the money. He would give it to my mom and she would make it all work. That was all I knew. So when I got married, guess what I expected?
QUESTION: What expectations do you have in your marriage based on your upbringing?
Point #4: Hats and Roles
- Danielle: I have different hats, different roles, and different boxes. When we're on Date Night, work can't carry over into the Date Night box. In past years when we weren't in a good place, we would talk about work and it would always snowball into something crazy.
- As a wife, mom and business owner, I've had to learn to compartmentalize when it comes to a wearing a mom hat and a business hat. I think the best way to go about doing things in a relationship is to own every side of you but know how and when to put on each hat as needed.
QUESTION: Ladies, how are you doing with the different hats you wear?
Point #5: Energy and Connection
- Garrett: Any time that a man and a woman connect inside of marriage, it's spiritual. It's an unseen attraction that exists. It's not something physical or tangible that we can touch, it's something inside of us that we feel.
- Energy inside of a relationship when you're married is connection. And anytime there's connection, there's spirituality. Money creates the opportunity for you to experience deeper levels of connection – in the making of it, the maintaining of it, and the creating of a life with it. Money matters.
QUESTION: How do you and your wife create deep connection in your relationship?
Communication Challenge:
Have a conversation about the role money played in your upbringing and how you want it to play out in your life going forward.
Date Night Topic:
What does "Being the Man" and "Being the Woman" look like in your relationship?
Quote of the Week:
"We want you to submit and be a woman but at the same time, we kind of like it when you punch us in the face. It's a dual turn on. I want to be mentally challenged by you to the point that I'm fucking pissed, but at the same time, I want you to submit as a woman."
—Garrett J White
"Everyone who says money doesn't matter is full of shit. In our experience, not having money or even losing it, definitely put a stress on the relationship. I believe money is a very important tool."
—Danielle K White
