The White's take it over the cliff in this week's episode as they dive deep and get personal in their candid conversation around the always spicy topic of sex. Be prepared to receive massive value as they revisit the ever-popular QQP, explore rejection and how it shapes patterns and behaviors in the bedroom, how Garrett's before marriage "sex talk" reveals common challenges in Orthodox-based religions when it comes to beliefs and conversations about sex, and how their relationship has undergone a massive facelift in the past two years.
Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month:
Week 1: Sex
Week 2: Money
Week 3: Parenting
Week 4: Communication
In This Week's Podcast....SEX
Point #1: The Shift
- Garrett: It's been a long time since we've fought about the sex topic. I don't know what's been going on the past two months, but you've been on it. It's been fun as fuck. I don't know what's happened inside of you, but I need that shift to continue. You've been playing out QQP like a champion. It's like your daily Core4.
- Danielle: I gave myself permission to have fun. As women, we sometimes take on the story that we're not going to be used, that it's beneath us. The Shift is when you realize you can get your heart's desires and dreams by understanding that men are actually pretty simple. Everybody's happier when we own that the V is very powerful.
QUESTION: Where in your world would making a shift be a game changer?
Point #2: Rejection
- Garrett: When you've been married for a number of years, there are patterns that tend to get created that are fucked up. I felt rejected for ten years, which led me to feel very weak in the bedroom. I didn't feel wanted, and I lacked confidence and certainty. This led me to interesting patterns of masturbation, porn, and drinking. I was trying to figure out how to survive.
- No matter how rejected you've felt, you have the power to change that story. I was not able to change that story on my own. My wife and I going to marriage and sex therapy allowed us to pull that off. Another very powerful tool we use, known as the Stack, can be found at warriorbook.com inside one of our 30 Day Challenges known as the KingsKit.
QUESTION: What patterns and behaviors have you fallen into because of feelings of rejection?
Point #3: Wifey Guilt
- Danielle: Sex is the only topic in the wifey guilt. "Oh no. It's been a few days. I didn't do my wifey duties." Women naturally know when things are not aligned, and where we're not putting the time and effort into certain areas of our life. When the kids are screaming - but I know we gotta do this - these are the quickest nights. I enjoy these because the next day it brings more peace into our relationship.
- There was a time I felt, why should I be guilty? I'm not being fulfilled. For so many years you played the victim - poor me, you owe me this. Because we're married, I have to put out every night? Fuck you, I don't owe you anything. Then I got to this point: have a quickie, connect, it's not that big of a deal, and then we carry on in this happy place in our marriage. For me, that's fulfilling.
QUESTION: Ladies, how can you relate to this?
Point #4: Birthday Surprise
- Garrett: These last couple of years, it's been this really powerful game where I've recognized that what I actually wanted from my wife was not the penis and vagina experience - don't get me wrong, that's what I want. But what I've wanted is to feel wanted. What was amazing about my birthday is that I felt wanted.
- Danielle: Garrett was in the middle of an event in Huntington Beach during his birthday. He was on stage and nobody really knew it was his birthday until his lead trainer, Sam, announced it. As 350 guys sang Happy Birthday, I walked onto the stage and surprised him. For Garrett, it was this moment of, "Oh my God. She wants to be here."
QUESTION: What would be possible for your relationship if each of you actually felt wanted by your spouse?
Point #5: It's Kind of Messy
- Garrett: For the guys who get exactly what I'm talking about, if you were raised in a pretty orthodox religion and you were not married to a woman who was practiced before marriage, nor were you practiced before marriage - on the one side, there's a huge advantage to having sex before you get married. I know that's going to completely burn the ears of those who may be listening, "Oh my God! I'm completely against that!"
- Danielle: Yes, there's good that comes out of us being raised this way. But where's the line? Is it a blessing or a curse? Garrett: People don't measure the consequence of not being sexually aware at all. They're not being trained. When we were raised, we were not trained or taught. I didn't even know what a clitoris was. My dad's sex talk to me before I got married was, "Be sure you have a cloth handy. It's kind of messy."
QUESTION: What do you think: Wait until marriage, or have some experience before getting married?
Communication Challenge:
Have a conversation about how you were raised, and how that has shaped your beliefs, patterns, and behaviors about sex.
Date Night Topic:
How can you both bring new vitality into your relationship?
Quote of the Week:
"I would love to invite you as a man to join us in the KingsKit challenge that you can find at warriorbook.com and be part of that experience. And if you're a lady listening to this show, I would encourage you to send your man over to that."
--Garrett J White
"Ladies, if you're in that place where your guy's not really being the man, you have to reevaluate and ask yourself, "How can I show up and be the woman?" Sometimes, the strongest women need to surrender to what's going to benefit you, your family, and your relationship. A lot of times you discover, "Wow, that served me more than I thought!" Commitment is the first step.
--Danielle K White
