In This Week's Podcast….SEX
Point #1: Seduction and Sex
- In the conversation of seduction, Danielle shares how seducing Garrett can be as simple as her walking through the room wearing some cute, lace panties or slowly undressing, whereas seeing Garrett confident and in his element is far more seductive and sexy to her than watching him prance around in a thong.
- Doing your business in private vs doing it with the door wide open proves to be a spicy topic. When playing the game, "Things That Guarantee You Will Not Get Laid," the friend zone, tampons, hairy ass cheeks, and the naggy bitch mode top the list.
QUESTION: What tops your couple's list of Things That Guarantee You Will Not Get Laid?
Point #2: Tracking and Lacking
- Back when their marriage was a shit show, Danielle thought the only reason Garrett was helping out was to get laid, which was actually true. He felt he had earned sex because of all of the things he was doing for her. She noticed the difference in his energy and attitude when they had sex vs when she withheld sex from him.
- Garrett found himself in an isolation and desperation game while tracking how much sex they weren't having. As a man having been successful in breaking the codes in his businesses, Garrett was trying to figure out how to break his wife's code, hoping his gifts to her would result in a blow job for him. Danielle was pissed because he was tracking, Garrett was pissed because she was lacking.
QUESTION: In what ways is your relationship similar to their "shit show" years?
Point #3: The Leverage Game
- A man tends to leverage money and power to get sex, whereas a woman will leverage sex to get the power she wants. Garrett felt hurt and angry for being rejected sexually, while Danielle continually had her guard up and felt like she was always walking on eggshells.
- Garrett's constant challenge became: When is my wife going to want me? He began strategizing, which backfired and began killing the attraction between them. Danielle was watching from the sidelines and figured he was a ticking time bomb.
QUESTION:How are you playing the Leverage Game in your marriage?
Point #4: Men: Take the Sexual Victim Card Off the Table
- Although Danielle and Garrett existed in a space better than war, it wasn't victory - it was a place where he needed to get laid and she wanted peace in the house. Sex became awkward. When men become more powerful in business, they also become more sexually charged.
- Being completely consumed with the frustration, anger, fear and doubt around this topic of sex and constantly being rejected, Garrett became a sexual victim. As a married man 100% committed to his wife, until he could stop the war between he and Danielle, he began neutralizing the playing field by handling his needs himself via a sex tool.
QUESTION: What space are you existing in as a couple?
Point #5: Submit and Surrender
- While Danielle agreed she was being a bitch about withholding sex, Garrett admits he was being a dick and complete asshole withholding time and energy from her. He would deliberately set up situations for Danielle to fail so he could feel like he had control.
- Garrett remembers the day he submitted to the reality that Danielle needed him to show up and give a shit as a husband and as a lover, even if he wasn't getting laid; that he could cuddle and be ok with it. He was going to direct all of his energy towards her, not hold her hostage anymore, and that by giving her space he would show her that he wanted her as a person - beyond her body - and that he was ALL IN.
QUESTION: What are the ways you hold your spouse hostage? What behaviors could you let go of that would be a game changer in your relationship?
Communication Challenge:
Talk about and demonstrate the ways you love being seduced by each other.
Date Night Topic:
Do you use Garrett's formula of TTF? Or a different formula? Talk about the formulas that work for you in your marriage.
Quote of the Week:
"You became unattractive to me because you wouldn't put out. People would look at us as this attractive couple, and I was like fuck that. I've got a g*ddamn frozen ice block barbie in a box goin' on. I don't get to touch it - nothing! It's like a doll that I get to look at. I'm like a dog on a leash that's held just past where the hamburger is sitting and I'm not ever getting it; and if I do take a bite, I get beat with a fuckin' stick."
--Garrett J White
"I looked like a total bitch [while] you were off [doing your own thing] - you weren't with the kids, you weren't with me, and now you're this man of the year. But there were strings attached and no woman feels safe if there's fucking strings attached. You showed up but you still held this key of 'I'll show her.' You promote me, you talk about me, you say I'm your Queen - so show me! Come over to my side and show me what you're preaching is true. If you believe in me, if you believe in my business, if you believe in my vision, then jump on board with me!"
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--Danielle White
