How to Handle Negative Feedback
This is the Mindset for Life podcast, a place for personal stories, coaching, neuroscience and my favorite positive psychology tools to master life, relationships and work. I'm your host. Bethanie Hansen. Read on for an episode summary, action items from the episode, and coaching tips. A transcript is available in the podcast player tool. And, if today is the right time for you to work with a coach, the contact form is available on this page.
Episode Summary:
This episode is all about how to handle unexpected negative feedback. The host, Bethanie, starts by explaining that we all receive feedback at work and in our lives, both positive and negative. Negative feedback can be extremely painful, especially when it seems to come out of nowhere and doesn't align with our own intentions and perceptions. Bethanie explains that the way we interpret feedback is heavily influenced by our own "mental models" - the assumptions, beliefs, and values we've developed over time from our upbringing, experiences, and environment. These mental models act as a filter, causing us to perceive feedback in very different ways, even if the feedback itself is the same. She then dives into the common barriers that prevent us from receiving negative feedback well. These include taking it personally as an attack on our character, doubting the credibility or motives of the person giving the feedback, and seeing it as untrue or conflicting with our own values and goals. To overcome these barriers, Bethanie outlines a 3-step process:
Focus on calming your thoughts and emotions. She suggests using techniques like deep breathing, changing your physical environment, journaling, and tapping into your personal "blue sky spaces" - the people, places, or activities that help you feel grounded and centered.
Gain perspective using the Johari Window framework. This tool helps you examine the feedback from different angles - what's known about you, what's hidden, what's blind, and what's unknown.
Transform the negative feedback into a gift. Bethanie encourages you to ask questions, investigate the feedback, and consider where there may be truth or room for improvement, while also celebrating what you're doing well.
Throughout, the key message is to approach negative feedback with an open, adaptable mindset, rather than reacting defensively like an immovable brick wall. By calming yourself, gaining perspective, and looking for the potential growth opportunities, you can turn even unexpected negative feedback into a valuable learning experience.
Action Items:
Identify personal "blue sky spaces" that can help calm and reorient when receiving negative feedback. These are the specific people, places, activities, or resources that help you feel grounded, centered, and able to respond thoughtfully.
Reflect on the 5 questions suggested to gain deeper understanding of the feedback:
What impact am I having that others see but I'm unaware of?
How is the person experiencing me?
What is their real need or challenge?
What do they value?
What are my blind spots?
Consider joining the "Coach Mindset Academy" group coaching experience launching in January 2025 to continue building resilience and well-being in handling feedback and other challenges.
The main takeaway is to have a toolbox of strategies ready to manage your thoughts, emotions, and perspective when faced with unexpected negative feedback. By calming yourself, gaining new insights, and looking for growth opportunities, you can turn a potentially difficult situation into a chance to learn and improve.
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Coaching Tips:
Here are some coaching tips and insights coaches can apply when working with clients on handling negative feedback, drawing from the principles covered in this podcast episode as well as coaching neuroscience, positive psychology, and the ICF coaching mindset:
Leverage the Johari Window framework to deepen self-awareness. Guide clients to explore the four quadrants - the open self, hidden self, blind self, and unknown self. This can uncover valuable blind spots and hidden potentials that external feedback may be revealing.
Incorporate mindfulness and emotional regulation techniques. Building on the host's suggestions, coaches can teach clients specific practices like breath work, visualization of "blue sky spaces", and the 92-second rule to interrupt reactive patterns and cultivate a calmer, more receptive state.
Reframe feedback through a growth mindset lens. Drawing from positive psychology, coaches can help clients view negative feedback not as a personal attack, but as an opportunity for learning and improvement. This shifts the mindset from fixed to growth-oriented.
Explore values alignment. When feedback seems to conflict with a client's core values, coaches can facilitate a deeper exploration of what's truly important. This can reveal opportunities to better live into those values or adjust expectations.
Foster self-compassion. The ICF competency of "Cultivates Trust and Safety" is key here. Coaches can create a supportive space for clients to process feedback without harsh self-judgment, and encourage self-kindness throughout the learning process.
Leverage the power of accountability. Coaches can help clients develop concrete action plans for addressing feedback, and provide ongoing support and accountability to follow through. This builds resilience and a sense of personal agency.
Celebrate small wins. In the face of negative feedback, it's important to also shine a light on what's going well. Coaches can guide clients to recognize and appreciate their strengths, progress, and positive impact.
By combining the insights from this podcast with core coaching competencies, neuroscience principles, and positive psychology frameworks, coaches can empower clients to transform negative feedback into meaningful growth and development opportunities. When applying this content, please acknowledge the source, share this episode with others who might benefit from what is taught.
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This episode's theme song is "Take It Up A Level" by Bethanie Hansen and SUNO AI. Used with Permission. Like what you read here? In this podcast, I’m sharing some core principles I’ve learned in coaching that have completely changed my life. And I share them in workshops with my clients. With a personal coach, you can take it deeper, to make these changes a lasting part of your life. You can figure out where to start and how to get the changes you really want.
