In this powerful episode, Heather responds to a heartfelt question from listener Natalie, who is navigating life with a chronic illness that others often misunderstand. Natalie asks how to advocate for herself without sounding like she's complaining — a question that resonates with so many living with invisible pain.
Through personal stories, insights from neuroscience and psychology, and actionable steps, Heather teaches how to communicate your needs clearly, choose the right audience for your vulnerability, and advocate for yourself with both strength and grace.
Whether you're facing chronic illness, emotional pain, or just want to show up better for yourself, this episode will leave you feeling seen, supported, and empowered.
In this episode, you'll learn:
The First Question to Ask: Before speaking up, Heather shares the key question you must ask yourself: What do I actually want from this person?
Why Hinting Doesn't Work: Learn how vague expressions of pain don't lead to help, and how to turn your situation into a clear request.
The Energy of the Ask: How asking with delight (or conviction) radically changes how others respond to your needs.
When to Stay Silent: Why talking about your pain can sometimes make things worse and how to choose when to share, and when to journal instead.
The Power of JournalSpeak: Discover how Heather used Nicole Sachs' "JournalSpeak" method to reduce physical pain and emotional overload during a crisis.
Why Misunderstandings Hurt and What To Do About Them: Heather explains when to advocate for deeper understanding and when to let people think what they want.
Healing Through Expression: The science behind why venting to people can increase pain, but venting in a journal can actually ease it.
How to Prepare Yourself to Advocate Even When You're Not at Your Best: Practical tools to reclaim energy, reset your mindset, and step into confident advocacy.
Resources Mentioned:
📚 All of Ethan Kross' Work
✍️ All of Nicole Sachs' Work & JournalSpeak Resources
🎧 Nicole Sachs' Podcast: The Cure for Chronic Pain with Nicole Sachs, LCSW
Bonus Announcement:
📅 Heather's FREE Masterclass – How to Handle Interruptions and Being Ignored
🗓️ August 13 at 3 PM ET
➡️ Learn how to respond to interruptions with confidence and charisma
🎁 We will send you a recording if you can't make it live. But there is a special surprise if you make it live!
In this episode:
[00:00] Listener Natalie's question: The struggle of invisible illness and being misunderstood
[01:45] Heather's personal story: Migraines, functionality, and feeling "off"
[03:50] What do you really want? Sympathy, understanding, or help?
[06:00] The golden rule of advocacy: Ask clearly, ask with delight
[08:30] When not to share your pain, and why complaining can backfire
[10:50] Journaling vs venting: Research-backed ways to process emotions
[12:50] The story of Heather's father, her grief, and how she discovered JournalSpeak
[14:30] JournalSpeak and emotional pain: The power of writing what you can't say
[16:00] Advocating through pain: How journaling clears the way for charisma
[17:00] Misunderstood? Why sometimes it's worth correcting, sometimes it's not
[18:10] Heather's 3-step framework for self-advocacy while in pain
[19:00] Final thoughts: Vulnerability, visibility, and strength in the face of suffering
Connect with Heather:
Heather's TikTok
heather@elegantwarrior.com
The Elegant Warrior Podcast and content posted by Heather Hansen is presented solely for general informational, educational, and entertainment purposes. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast or website is at the user's own risk. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions.
