Defensiveness is a behavior that can manifest in a variety of situations.
It could be reacting to feedback at work or justifying criticisms from people close to you.
We become defensive when a sensitive issue is brought up that leads to shame or we feel attacked.
Although protective actions might make you feel better in the short term, they usually make you feel worse in the long run.
The foundation of defensiveness is the belief that we must always be correct – that strength and feeling good enough equates to winning difficult conversations.
It’s time to shift our mindsets. We can be open and receptive without being defensive.
Today, I share what is defensiveness, why people become defensive, and ways to become less defensive so you can build lasting relationships.
Episode Quotes
"A relationship that is full of defensiveness is a shitty relationship."
"Defensiveness in a relationship means there's not good communication."
"Pause, breathe, and think before you respond."
"Do not listen to respond. Listen to understand."
"Defensiveness comes from you believing that you are being attacked."
Shownotes
1:29 - Why do people become defensive?
3:02 - #1 Build up your self-worth
5:42 - #2 Stay curious
9:05 - Emotions that generate defensiveness
13:53 - #3 Pause before you respond
14:58 - #4 Allow others to have different opinions
16:20 - Where are you getting defensive?
19:03 - Being receptive without being defensive
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