This is the second week of Black History Month and I am entering Week Two of my reading and journaling of “Me and White Supremacy”. We had nearly two feet of snow this past week and I found my snow walks in the woods to be a helpful place to process some of the thoughts that surfaced for me. I ventured out last Monday after 12 hours of snowfall. Oh how inviting! The snow was magical, quiet, a perfect setting to be present to the peaceful beauty around me, while letting thoughts about white supremacy, my white supremacy emerge.
As I was sorting though these memories, the wooded trail had not yet been walked on and I found myself lifting my knees high toward my chest and then sinking down knee deep into the untouched, powdery snow. What an appropriate metaphor this snowy path is for walking the internal path of white supremacy. As I turned inward to take an honest look at my white privilege, white fragility, tone policing, white silence, white superiority, and white exceptionalism, I realized I was working up a sweat. My high knee lifting and stomping feet provided a good cardio work out as I delved deeper into these concepts/memories/images. I began to think of the ancestors that have literally and figuratively walked before me. You see, I guess we all have a blend of ancestors, those who have addressed and grappled with white supremacy, those who denied or ignored it. I have both ancestors who were active members of the underground railroad and ancestors who were slave owners. They all run through my blood and it is a heavy load. Oh my, the guilt and shame is tangible, like these heavy, laborious steps in this deep snow. It takes energy, perseverance and stamina for me to stay on the path, to not get lost in the woods of my mind, not let the intensity of pain paralyze me on my journey. I whispered to myself: “Stay true, Deb, face the ugly truth and the inspiring truth. Don’t turn away from the disturbing emotions, be with them, learn from them.
As the snow melts around me, may my conditioned white supremacy also melt. May I tell the truth to myself and others with integrity. May I cultivate the courage to speak up and out whenever I witness racist behavior. May I continue to embody more fully anti-racist thoughts, words and actions. May I devote myself to healing and restoring dignity of all Black, Indigenous, People of Color. And…may you also find meaningful ways to honor Black History month.
Check out the links to learn more about Layla Saad, her website, podcast and purchase her book “Me and White Supremacy”. Enjoy the podcast!
Links:
http://laylafsaad.com/
Good Ancestor Podcast