EP1. I Love Cares.
The present writing process does not begin from „because I fear…“.
But as an audience, you may feel uneasy, as if I am targeting you. If this makes you depressed or anxious, then please swipe this post away. Because this time, the content is going to be more current, more frank, and contains more self-revealings.
The content is here —
„About yesterday’s introductory post of this book… I only got one view. I am conscious that I posted it online in public, as if I just uttered a clear announcement on the public square, and I was totally aware that people can hear me, but no one watched me. No one. I feel so lonely.“
This content is so direct, so true, so not me. I’ve never posted this kind of wording in public. This is not Umy.
No, this IS me in the present. I don’t quote philosophical dialogues, I don’t mention aesthetics, arts, or any spiritual level of human beings. I have no superpowers, I am not an alien, I have no willingness to curve any sci-fi or fantasies.
Yes. I got it. Writing this book is a „challenge to my personality“. The personality that I care about the most is? I over-care people.
I put too much cares between my behaviors and others’ responses. I used to overthink people’s actions, over-blame my reaction, and over-explain things happening around me.
In order to get rid of this burden of „overDOing“, I deleted my instant emotion, I killed my current needs, I added nods to your opinions, I multiplied messages to get close to you. I was establishing my self-image firmly, an image of a charmingly adorable girl. I kept it firmly enough to suit my family, educational, and social backgrounds.
I was wrapped tightly.
I muted my voice.
I was absent.
I breathed.
I relaxed.
I unleashed.
I took off my wrap.
I let go of my self-image.
I am heartedly naked.
Frankly speaking, to me the telling of relationship is about „Loving Cares“
#I_am_caring_about_human_beings
#I_am_caring_about_issues_of_beings
#I_am_doing_my_best_to_give_cares_to_certain_beings
#I_am_doing_my_best_to_give_cares_to_beings_under_certain_issues
To say it more specifically,
„Giving care stabilizes my sense of security in relationships“
End of Episode 1.
———————————————
I am caring about my present behavior and thinking:
Standing on the stage of art-creation again,
I am having a strong sense of uncertainty,
My sense of security is becoming null,
I am walking into the unknown⋯
My heart is beating fast, I am nervous…
But I feel so excited, I look forward to my book.
I am caring about my mind and feeling in the present.
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