Uninhibited Podcast Shownotes
Episode 3: Second part of Erica’s journey of pregnancy, loss, and healing.
Welcome to Uninhibited, a podcast with the mission to discuss taboo, multicultural, multi-generational, and multi-layered topics that matter to women.
Our host, Dr. Makunda Abdul Mbacke, is an Ivy-League trained OBGYN, practicing medicine in rural America. She is a mother, career professional, part of Generation X, and so much more.
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00:55 - Dr. Makunda is back this week to finish a two-part interview with Ericka Turnipseed, a writer and educator who lives with her family in D.C. This two-part podcast explores issues around the high rates of maternal morbidity and mortality in the black community. Ericka shares her story about her experience and how her life has changed.
2:00 - Ericka describes waking up after her emergency C-section at 24 weeks into her pregnancy, and the uncertainty of the whole situation she was in. She was suffering from preeclampsia and Hellp Syndrome, woke up with an allergic reaction to one of the medications, was recovering from surgery, and also didn’t know if her daughter had survived after surgery.
3:30 - Ericka shares a turning moment after surgery when she met her night nurse and she could finally relay the pain she felt because she hadn’t yet been able to see her daughter, Grace. The nurse offered to take Ericka to the NICU on her break to see Grace, who was barely even one pound at the time. The joy of seeing her daughter was also mixed with Ericka’s great concern for her premature and sick child, and the severe condition of her own health.
7:05 - Ericka describes how her unique medical condition and the mystery around it made her feel like a curiosity for the medical staff, rather than a patient with a life and a story. Thankfully, Ericka had a friend in the medical field who helped advocate for her and remind others that she is a person experiencing a crisis, rather than a science experiment.
11:25 - “This is for all the sisters, all the women out there that maybe are feeling afraid of using their voice, but really in the end, that’s all we have. If we have to scream, then we scream, and if we can use polite language, then we use polite language. But using your voice is really a lot of times the only power you have.” - Dr. Makunda
14:16 - Ericka talks about how she had to advocate for Grace and had to push to gain information and understanding about her situation, even while Ericka was still recovering. Grace lived for four days after her birth, and on her last day of life, Ericka could tell that her child was declining. After consulting with the resident caring for Grace, Ericka noticed that the answers she was receiving were intentionally vague, despite her being very direct and was asking for the truth.
17:53 - Dr. Makunda speaks about situations like this from a medical point of view, which can be made so complex by medical mysteries and emotional responses. In some circumstances, it can be that the medical professionals aren’t entirely sure what the issue it; with some patients and their families, they will push to try everything to save their loved one, even if that may not be the most effective decision.
22:50 - Ericka describes what she did to be the best mother to Grace during her daughter’s last moments - she had tremendous help and support from the NICU nurses to arrange for Ericka and her husband to hold Grace as she passed.
However, Ericka notes now that the NICU does not have the space or comforts needed for families going through the final moments and death of their child. For example, at one point during her time with Grace, their privacy was interrupted by someone unaware of their situation. Deaths in the NICU aren’t uncommon, and the fact that the unit is not set up to comfortably accommodate the transition into death should be changed.
28:07 - After Grace passed, the nurses put together a small memory box: Grace’s newborn hat, her armband, other things that she had accumulated in her short life and long stay in the NICU. Ericka stayed in the hospital for another three days after Grace’s passing, leaving her to handle the arrangements and questions and grief of death while still recovering herself. She even had to fight to get Grace’s birth certificate.
33:08 - Dr. Makunda asks Ericka to describe her path of emotional and physical recovery after Grace’s death. Ericka describes that grief is an ugly road and it took her awhile to come to terms with the fact that the complications of her pregnancy were not her fault. Ericka and her family had a funeral for Grace to celebrate her life and the meaning she held; they mourned the way Ericka had become a mother, together. However, there were people who didn’t understand what the loss of a child meant - that Grace hadn’t lived long enough for Ericka to form a bond, that she could always have another, as if Grace were replaceable.
36:37 - “As soon as you see those two lines, you make plans.” - Dr. Makunda
41:50 - Ericka shares some of the difficulties she faced in society while navigating her grief for Grace. Often, people’s efforts to be comforting were actually more cutting.
50:00 Ericka discusses the process that helped her with her grief - mostly, talking with other women. She connected with her grandmother, who had also lost children, and realized that there were so many experiences that other women had that nobody shared. Through these connections, Ericka found that “the blessing is bigger than the pain.”
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