Why? Why? Why?! This is a vexing question. As soon as you say “because…” you run the risk of blame-shifting and we’ve already spoken to the dangers of this. But in the absence of a “because…” it sounds like you should just be able to “Stop it!” and if that were the case you wouldn’t be reading these materials.
Part of this confusion begins with how we commonly view people. It is popular to think of ourselves as basically good people who apart from outside interference would not do bad things; act selfishly, betray, sacrifice more important things for less important things, or otherwise be foolish.
“The power of all temptation is the prospect that it will make me happier. No one sins out of a sense of duty (p. 334).” John Piper in Future Grace
We are born twisted, broken, and out of order. We are born with a bent towards self and we experience life self-centeredly (trapped within our bodies; literally only seeing the world through our own eyes and interpreting it through our own experiences and desires). This does not mean that we cannot love. It does mean we must be both commanded and enabled to love God and love others because of our sin-nature causes us to innately center on self.
Some would take this to mean that personal history (i.e., experiences of abuse, rejection, failure, or neglect) is inconsequential to sexual sin. But this draws an unnecessary distinction between our sin nature and personal history. While we sin because we are sinners, our appetite for and bondage to particular sins have histories. Understanding these histories can enhance our ability to cooperate with or apply God’s power to change.
There are two truths you must keep in balance as you work through this chapter or you will fall into shame/despair or blame-shifting. First, sin reveals our heart so we are responsible for our sin and change will require dying to self. Second, our heart has a history and God wants to do more than eliminate a sin; God wants to redeem your history by replacing lies with truth, despair with hope, and self with Him.
This chapter is divided into three major sections:
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