You probably feel like your soul has been laid bare in the first three steps. You have looked at yourself, your behaviors, and your life as a whole in ways that you have likely resisted doing for a long time. In this chapter you are going to bring that honest self-awareness before God. You are not bringing Him something (by way of information) that He needs in order to act. You are placing yourself in a position to receive what He has already done on your behalf.
If you presume upon God’s forgiveness (i.e., “God has to forgive me. He’s already sent Jesus to die. It would be a waste if He didn’t follow through. Besides, God would be a liar if He promised to forgive and didn’t honor His Word. I’ll go through the ritual to get what’s coming to me if that is what He wants.”), then you are not repenting. You are making a legal transaction with someone you believe to be too stupid to know better. Additionally, you are prone to use God in a manipulative fashion with anyone you offended in your sin (i.e., “If God has forgiven me, why can’t you?”). If this fits you, receive the strong warning of Galatians 6:7, “God is not mocked.”
If you neglect seeking God’s forgiveness (i.e., “I don’t deserve to be forgiven. I should have to pay for what I’ve done wrong. I’ve made enough people suffer because of my selfishness, so I shouldn’t add Jesus to the list.”), then you are wallowing in self-pity and will remain in the same shame-cycle that has likely fueled your sin for a long time. Relationally, you are remaining an “unsafe” person who will either betray again (sexually or through deceit) or by virtue of your self-pity become manipulative of others with your use of guilt.
The only way out of sin is through genuine repentance. All lasting change is built upon repentance. Repentance is when we change our primary allegiance from self to God. Repentance is when we turn from trusting our ways to trusting God’s ways. Repentance is when our primary goal changes from self-satisfaction and self-protection to glorifying God and loving others.
“If the problem were simply with our eyes, then the solution would be to avert our eyes. But if the problem begins in the heart, then the solution must be much more fundamental (p. 41).” Tim Chester in Closing the Window
“A common flaw in dealing with the sinful patterns of viewing sexually explicit material is to focus solely on employing methods to stop the behavior (behavior modification) to the exclusion of addressing the root issues of the heart (p. 9).” Brian Croft in Help! He’s Struggling with Pornography
This chapter solidifies all the work you have done so far and serves as the foundation for each step remaining in the process. You have learned a great deal about yourself and your sin in the first three chapters. Repentance is when you commit to quit trying to make your broken ways work. You are about to make some significant changes to restructure your life (Step 6). Repentance is what allows these changes to be life giving rather than exercises in self-punishment or to reinforce shame.
The subject of repentance will be discussed in four sections.
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