To this point you have admitted, acknowledged, understood, repented, and confessed. Each of the previous steps are vital parts of the change process, but are incomplete to create a lifestyle where purity and honor are defining marks of your life and relationships. Each of the steps to this point have been about “putting off” sin (Eph 4:22) or changing how you think about your sin (Eph. 4:23) more than “putting on” God’s character (Eph. 4:24). Lasting change replaces what it rids and builds something new in the place of what it tears down. That will be the focal point for the rest of this journey.
As you move through the remaining steps you will be asked to address more than sexual sin. Rarely does sin restrain itself to one area of life. Therefore the notion that you will conquer sexual sin without addressing other areas of life is a naïve approach to change. It would be wasteful of the effort you have put into change this far. Failing to look at the rest of your life would be like getting braces to align your teeth and then refusing to wear the retainer to maintain those changes.
“I have found that most people who are addicted to one particular thing also fail to exercise control in other areas of their lives (p. 110)… Often this occurs because the underlying problem is not sexual addiction, but rather the lack of control, restraint, and discipline that comes from a life of self-gratification… As the person learns moderation in every area of life, he will find that the temptation to indulge in sexual sin will be weakened. Pursuing other forms of pleasure only serves to strengthen the addiction because gratifying oneself simply reinforces self-centeredness (p. 111)… A true overcomer must part with certain relationships, places, and things that were intimately associated with his sinful lifestyle. This is extremely difficult and often traumatic to the sex addict who, for many years, has looked to his sin for comfort, pleasure, and as an escape from the real world. The man invariably finds himself grieving the loss of, not just the pleasure of the sin, but also the other elements which accompanied the lifestyle of that sin (p. 124).” Steve Gallagher in At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry
You will be called on to love and rely on God more. Sexual sin is always the pursuit of something more than we can find in ourselves or a relationship with another person. Unless we address this deeper craving of the human soul we will become the slave of some other (possibly more functional) pleasure that will eventually leave. You were made for something greater than sex and nothing less than God will functionally satisfy you for long.
The changes required will take time. It is easy, at this point in your journey, to grow impatient and think, “I’ve done what I was supposed to do. Now let’s get on with it.” You have not yet done what you were supposed to do. You have only acknowledged or begun to make right what you should not have done. You have weeded your life. You are, in this step, beginning to plant seeds of honor and tend them to a lifestyle of godly character. The work ahead will take as much humility, faith, and reliance as the work you have already done.
“Faith in Jesus is not a quick fix. It’s certainly not a case of ‘just believe.’ There’s no ‘just’ about it. Yes, the message is ‘believe.’ But it’s never ‘just believe.’ We’re called to the fight of faith. So instead of ‘just believe,’ the message is ‘fight to believe.’ And it will be a fight, a daily fight. Some days you’ll be wounded; some days you’ll lose this battle. Then you’ll have to pick yourself up, fight to believe in God’s grace and reenter the fray… This is why so many people speak of turning to porn when they’re tired. It’s not because they think porn will be a pick-me-up—otherwise they’d make themselves coffee instead. It’s because they don’t feel they have the energy for the fight of faith (p. 60).” Tim Chester in Closing the Window
In this chapter we examine how life needs to be restructured under three headings: (1) Commitment to Live in God’s Reality; (2) Self-Control in All Areas of Life; and (3) Applying Wisdom to Relationships
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