You probably feel like your soul has been laid bare in the first three steps. You have looked at yourself, your behaviors, and your life as a whole in ways that you have probably resisted for a long time. In this chapter you are going to bring that honest self-awareness before God. You are not bringing Him something (by way of information) that He needs in order to act. You are placing yourself in a position to receive what He has already done on your behalf.
If you presume upon God’s forgiveness (i.e., “God has to forgive me. He’s already sent Jesus to die. It would be a waste if He didn’t follow through. Besides, God would be a liar if He promised to forgive and didn’t honor His Word. I’ll go through the ritual to get what’s coming to me if that is what He wants.”), then you are not repenting. You are making a legal transaction with someone you believe to be too stupid to know better. Additionally, you are leveraging God in a manipulative fashion against anyone you offended in your sin (i.e., “If God has forgiven me, why can’t you?”). If this fits you, receive the strong warning of Galatians 6:7, “God is not mocked.”
“There can be no secrecy between the soul and God, and therefore there can be no manipulation (p. 122).” Gerald May in Addiction & Grace
If you neglect seeking God’s forgiveness (i.e., “I don’t deserve to be forgiven. I should have to pay for what I’ve done wrong. I’ve made enough people suffer because of my selfishness, so I shouldn’t add Jesus to the list.”), then you are wallowing in self-pity and will remain in the same shame-cycle that has likely fueled your addiction for a long time. Relationally, you would be remaining an “unsafe” person who, by virtue of your self-pity, will manipulate others with your use of guilt.
The only way out of sin is through genuine repentance. All lasting change is built upon repentance. Repentance is when we change our primary allegiance from self to God. Repentance is when we turn from trusting our ways to trusting God’s ways. Repentance is when our primary goal changes from self-satisfaction and self-protection to glorifying God and loving others according to God’s design.
This chapter solidifies all the work you have done so far and serves as the foundation for each step remaining in the process. You have learned a great deal about yourself and your sin in the first three steps. Repentance is when you commit to quit trying to make your broken ways work.
We will look at repentance in three sections.
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