At several points in the study you have probably begun to question God, doubt Him, be angry at Him, or wonder if what you think about Him really makes any difference. We’ve brought many painful experiences to mind. When we look at them, we naturally ask, “Where does ‘the buck’ stop?” It stops with God (or whoever, whatever is in control… if anything is).
It has been said that animals divide between herbivores (those eating plants) and carnivores (those eating meat), but that humans are verbivores – we live off of words, or, more accurately, off of the meaning we give to life through words. This is why we’ve emphasized the themes of story, journey, and identity so much. They are how we “digest” life.
“No one is more influential in your life than you are, because no one talks to you more than you do. You are in an unending conversation with yourself. You are talking all the time, interpreting, organizing, and analyzing what’s going on inside you and around you (p. 56).” Paul Tripp in A Shelter in the Time of Storm
In this chapter we will look at the unhealthy ways people commonly make sense of painfully broken relationships. Do not feel guilty if the way you make sense of your trauma is false. An abused child should not feel guilty for believing their abuse happened because they were “a bad kid.” The story is false, but seeing its falseness should bring hope not shame. God invites you to be very honest.
“One bold message in the book of Job is that you can say anything to God. Throw him your grief, your anger, your doubt, your bitterness, your betrayal, your disappointment—he can absorb them all… God can deal with every human response save one. He cannot abide the response I fall back on instinctively: an attempt to ignore him or treat him as though he does not exist. That response never once occurred to Job (p. 235).” Phillip Yancey in Disappointment with God
Don’t get locked down trying to put your confusion into words perfectly or capturing your beliefs just right. Your hope is not rooted in your ability to articulate your experience perfectly, but in the freedom that comes when you doubt these false narratives enough that God can begin to replace them with truth.
“There’s no single correct way to construct a person's abuse story (p. 147).” Steven R. Tracy in Mending the Soul
One final introductory remark, you should realize you will not reason or re-narrate yourself out of negative scripts of codependency. However, until these scripts are put into words (Step 4) we just assume they are true. After we put these scripts into words we can grieve their influence over our lives (step 5), replace (step 6) these destructive narratives with gospel-rooted messages, and then how to more healthily engage life and relationships (steps 7 and 8) based upon the foundation of God’s love and personal dignity.
To help you complete this step we will break this chapter into two parts:
1. 12 Potential Destructive Codependent Scripts
2. The Journey From Facts to Themes to Story
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