It is likely that we have related codependently, not just with other people, but also with God. This is not meant to call into question our assurance of salvation, but to recognize the likelihood that we have:
This chapter is where we, if needed, change this dynamic in our relationship with God; as the foundation for changing our codependent pattern of relating to others.
Step Four reveals a large amount of “bad news” – destructive narratives or scripts we place upon our unhealthy relationships which leave us feeling shame or like God is absent. What are we supposed to do with that kind of bad news?
The tempting answer is “make it better… spin it positive… fast… if we can use the Bible, all the better; that way we’re more likely to believe what we’re telling ourselves.” Chances are you’ve tried that and have the scars which rushed emotional change produces to prove it.
So let’s ask a better question, “How does God want to care for you as you come to grips with these destructive scripts?” Does God want to free you with truth (John 8:32)? Yes, but he also wants to free you in a way that is bearable and sustainable. God wants your change to be enduring and motivated by grace instead of shame or fear.
That means God wants you to grieve the presence of suffering in your life. God does not think you are whining when you acknowledge that the relational pain has been a heavy burden. God wants you to know his care during your suffering so that we will rely upon his care in the midst of both our future blessings and hardships.
Mourning is the focus of this chapter. We want you to feel free to mourn the presence of relational hardship (agreeing with God about your suffering) instead of feeling shame about it (hiding it from God and others in order to appear strong). Mourning our suffering allows us to quit faking strength so that we are free to rely on God’s strength and his people.
We will examine the subject of mourning in three sections:
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