In honor of men's health month, we are joined this week by Matthew Melvin.
Lack of Inclusivity in Men's Groups
This week's discussion highlights the lack of inclusivity in most men's groups, with Matt Melvin sharing that he has participated in 15 such groups, all of which were very similar—primarily composed of married men with children. As a single gay man, Matt felt ostracized and unable to share his experiences, especially regarding topics like sexuality. The groups often defaulted to safe, surface-level topics like sports and weather, avoiding deeper emotional or personal issues. Both speakers agree that men's groups are often not as diverse or inclusive as women's groups, which tend to be more varied in focus and membership. The conversation also touches on the societal expectation for men to suppress emotions, further limiting the inclusivity and depth of these groups.
Societal Expectations and Emotional Suppression in Men
Matt and Reah discuss how societal norms teach men to suppress emotions, with phrases like 'suck it up, buttercup' being common. Matt emphasizes that men are taught not to cry or show vulnerability, which he believes is harmful. Reah reflects on her own parenting, noting that she taught her oldest son to suppress emotions due to her own unhealed trauma and societal norms prevalent in the early 2000s. Both Matt and Reah agree that while there is some progress in allowing men to express emotions, these changes are slow and often limited to intentional, therapeutic settings. The lack of emotional openness in broader society and men's groups perpetuates isolation and hinders mental health.
Challenges with Church and Recovery-Based Groups
Matt and Reah explore the challenges of finding inclusive groups within church and recovery settings. Matt notes that he has not found connection in church groups and that most of his group experiences have been online. Both agree that most church groups are not inclusive, particularly for LGBTQ+ individuals, leading Matt to leave several churches. They discuss further the misconception that church groups are inherently inclusive and emphasizes that one does not need to attend a church building to worship. The conversation also touches on the contradictions and lack of confidentiality in some church-based groups, further alienating those seeking genuine connection. Matt described the political and demographic divides he has encountered in men's groups. He identifies as politically centrist, but found that many groups are either very left-leaning (often due to therapy referrals) or right-leaning (focusing on sports and emotional suppression) and often break their own rules by discussing politics and religion, further alienating those who do not fit the dominant demographic or ideological mold.
Confidentiality and Trust Issues in Men's Groups
Matt expresses significant concerns about confidentiality in men's groups, particularly when meetings are recorded. He notes that in his current group, he is the only single man, and the rest are married or divorced with children, making it difficult for him to relate. The recording of every call makes him hesitant to share personal information, as he is unsure where the recordings go. He emphasizes that for a men's group to be successful, there must be 100% confidentiality, and that relationships within the group should not extend outside to prevent imbalances and conflicts. These issues contribute to his distrust and discomfort in existing groups.
Mental Health and the Importance of Support Groups
This conversation emphasizes the importance of support groups for mental health, especially for men. Matt urges men not to rely solely on their partners for emotional support and encouraged participation in men's groups. He stresses the need for vulnerability, authenticity, and willingness to change. Both speakers highlight the dangers of isolation and the importance of reaching out, especially for those experiencing suicidal thoughts. This discussion reinforces that men need supportive communities to foster mental well-being and that inclusivity and confidentiality are key to effective support groups.
You can find Matt on IG-Bulliedbehindbars, X- Barsbullied, and Facebook- Matthew.Melvin.5621.
Learn more about Reah at https://www.Falolity.net, Reah Hagues (@falolity_llc) • Instagram photos and videos, Falolity | Salisbury NC | Facebook, TikTok - Make Your Day or email her at Reahdr@falolity.net!
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