This week, we threw ourselves into the hotel-issued bathrobe that is Maid in Manhattan and found it two sizes too absurd. With Jennifer Lopez playing a maid-turned-mistaken-socialite and Ralph (Ray? Rafe?) Fiennes as the blandest romantic lead money can buy, we tried to find some substance in a movie so fluffy it might actually be Scotchgard-resistant. We also spent a concerning amount of time arguing about how to pronounce “Ralph” and why Bob Hoskins, of all people, was trapped in this cinematic housekeeping assignment.
From awkward bathroom run-ins to a Nixon-obsessed child to the tragic misuse of Stanley Tucci, we couldn’t help but pick apart every baffling beat of this film. Why does JLo keep getting asked to run errands like a personal assistant? Why does her son speak like a retired political speechwriter? Why does Ralph Fiennes keep showing up in movies where he clearly doesn’t want to be? These are the kinds of questions that kept us going—well, those and the occasional inappropriate joke about magazine ink and insured assets.
We also went on a much-needed detour to Manhattan, Kansas, where we imagined a superior version of the film featuring Rock-a-Belly’s nachos, peanut butter tacos from Lucha, and Bob Hoskins as a small-town legend who probably runs the local deli. Honestly, that version of Maid in Manhattan might have gotten five stars from us. And though we gave producer Andrew plenty of reasons to fade us out mid-rant, he (miraculously) lets the full Bob Hoskins tangent play out. You’re welcome.
Look, we’re not saying Maid in Manhattan is the worst movie we’ve ever watched, but we’re definitely not not saying that either. Tune in for some strong opinions, stronger tangents, and a group slowly losing their grip on cinematic reality—all in under two hours, unlike the movie.
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1638355/
