Middling Along

We get Unapologetic with Sophie Jane Lee

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Ever asked yourself…

Am I too sensitive? Too ambitious? Too angry? Too loud? Too quiet? Too complicated to be loved as I am? Too much? Not enough?

In this episode, I sit down with Sophie Jane Lee, journalist, author of Beyond Palatable: A Manifesto for Unapologetic Women, and founder of Electric Peach, to talk about what it really means to stop performing, start listening to yourself, and reclaim your right to take up space.

Sophie names the cultural trap that's crushing our generation of women: we were promised we could have it all, but what we actually got was the expectation to do it all… badass boss at work, doting mother at the school gates, generous keeper of family birthdays, the woman who never stops and never sits still. Meanwhile, the unpaid emotional labour hasn't shifted. We're performing strength and independence while internalising our exhaustion as personal failure, when it's actually systemic oppression dressed up as empowerment.

This quote from Sophie in the book pretty much sums up much of how I feel on the daily: “We need to stop saying women can have it all. We don’t want it all. We want someone else to take some of the burden and give us a fucking break.”

Sophie chose the word palatable deliberately. Unlikability is about the impact you have on others: it's reactive, aggressive, and still shaped by external expectations. Palatability is about the energy you carry within yourself. It's the constant self-constricting, the dulling down, the fitting into outdated moulds. Moving beyond palatable doesn't mean you have to burn your bra at dawn or become brash and confrontational. It can be quiet, considered, spacious. It's about taking up space in your way, on your terms.

 

Sophie reframes people-pleasing not as a personal weakness to "recover" from, but as a nervous system response (the fawn response to feeling unsafe). Demonising yourself for a survival mechanism you learned as a child is the opposite of self-care. The goal isn't to become unlikable or stop caring about others. It's to stop abandoning yourself in the process.

Forget "if it's not a fuck yes, it's a fuck no." Sophie offers something far more grounded: tune into your body's wisdom. When your shoulders hunch, your stomach roils, your chest tightens? That's your nervous system telling you something. Not every social anxiety means you should shut yourself away, but constantly putting yourself into dysregulation because you're overriding your body's signals is unsustainable. Learn to pause. Check in. Ask yourself: Do I really want to do this? Sometimes the answer is no. Sometimes it's "I'll do this, but I'll resource myself first."

What will you learn from the book?

Your innate worth is not negotiable. Your right to experience joy is real. The more you abandon your own needs, ignore your body, override your internal navigation system, the more you disconnect from joy, from yourself, from others. Sophie wants to start a revolution of unapologetic women who shine their light in their own unique way. Not because it's radical or rebellious, but because happy people aren't mean. When we self-resource, when we allow ourselves our fullest expression, we rise together.

How to Become More Unapologetic in Your Own Life:

  1. Notice the performance. Where are you performing the role of "good girl," "perfect mother," "always-on professional"? What's the cost to your nervous system?
  2. Stop demonising your people-pleasing. It's not a flaw. It's a response to feeling unsafe. Treat it with compassion, not shame.
  3. Listen to your body's signals. Your body knows before your brain catches up. Learn to recognise the embodied no. You don't have to override it every time, you get to choose.
  4. Practice nervous system regulation. Breathe out longer than you breathe in. Pause before responding. Resource yourself before you walk into situations that dysregulate you.
  5. Cultivate self-worth as a lifelong practice. Believe you have as much right to a part of the pie as anyone else. Stop leaving nothing for yourself.
  6. Take up space in your own way. You don't have to be loud or bold. Unapologetic can be quiet. Unapologetic can be considered. It just has to be true to you.
  7. Remember: your healing makes way for others. When you stop abandoning yourself, you give other women permission to do the same. We rise together.

This is for those who’ve shrunk themselves to fit in. For our younger selves. And for the girls growing up in a world of filters, pressure, and impossible standards.

Find out more about Sophie, her work, and the book at: 

Find out more about Emma, her coaching, and how to work with her at www.thetripleshift.org/starthere