Divorce can feel like the shattering of a world. In this episode, I sit down with Oona Mertz, a psychotherapist with over 30 years of experience, to explore what truly helps people navigate the emotional and relational complexity of divorce.
After her own divorce and healing journey, Oona began leading open-ended divorce groups for women, which she has facilitated for over 12 years. Out of this work, she has authored a new book: Unhitched: The Essential Divorce Guide for Women, a resource grounded in the lived wisdom of her clients and the stages of divorce they navigate.
We discuss why the traditional Kübler-Ross stages of grief do not fully capture this process and how Oona’s framework moves from heartbreak, through emotional turbulence, toward mending, letting go, and ultimately moving on. We also explore the loneliness of divorce, the mixed feelings that arise internally, its impact on children, and the powerful role group support can play in healing and growth.
Topics Discussed
• Why the Kübler-Ross DABDA model does not fully fit divorce
• Oona’s stages: Heartbreak, Rollercoaster, Mending, Letting Go, and Moving On
• Managing intense emotionals
• Supporting children through divorce
• The unspoken rules within marriage
• Divorce as trauma that can shatter our worldview
• The healing power of community
About Our Guest
Oona Mertz is a psychotherapist with over 30 years of clinical experience. After navigating her own divorce and healing process, she began facilitating divorce groups for women — a practice she has continued for more than a decade. Her newest book, Unhitched: The Essential Divorce Guide for Women, offers insight, guidance, and lived wisdom from her extensive group work and clinical experience.
Learn more about Oona and her work here:
https://oonamertz.com
Reflection
Divorce can be one of the most isolating human experiences, but it does not have to be endured alone. Oona reminds us that healing begins with acknowledging the heartbreak and finding connection with others who truly understand. Through this work, many discover unexpected resilience and even renewal. As Oona shares, some even go through this work and end up saying, “I can’t believe this, but my divorce became the best thing that ever happened to me.”
