SUMMARY:
The conversation features Reverend Cheryl discussing her experiences with childhood trauma, including living in a chaotic environment with an abusive father and a depressed mother.
*She emphasizes the importance of recognizing and addressing abuse, understanding forgiveness, and setting boundaries.
*The dialogue explores the complexities of healing, the role of faith, and the necessity of confronting abusive behavior while also finding strength in God.
*Reverend Cheryl shares insights on how to support women in violent situations, the significance of therapy, and the importance of community support.
*Ultimately, she highlights that healing is a lifelong journey involving layers of understanding and growth, and encourages women to assert their identity in Christ to reclaim their voices and establish healthy boundaries.
PODCAST INTRO:
The ministry of my guest, Reverend Cheryl Kincaid, focuses on giving voice to Christian women caught in violent situations and relationships, aiming to help them find wholeness and healing through God's instruction.
Using her personal story of abuse combining that with her education in Marriage and Family Therapy along with her Master of Divinity from San Francisco Theological Seminary, Rev Cheryl talked about understanding abuse, boundaries, identity, righteous anger, and forgiveness as taught in the bible. The discussion on forgiveness alone was worth the conversation because so much about God’s love and forgiveness has been hijacked with a toxic empathy that is used against tender hearted, conscious Christians especially the abused.
We talked about the difference between forgiveness and denial. Reverend Cheryl states that forgiveness requires acknowledging the hurt caused by others and making a conscious decision to forgive, while denial involves minimizing the impact of the abuse or rationalizing it.
One of the tools that Rev Cheryl shares is for the moments when you’re having a flashback, you’ve been triggered or trying to resolve inner, emotional mental conflict in yourself. She shares this exercise, the therapeutic term known as classical conditioning and it involves using your dominate hand to represent yourself as the adult you are and your non-dominate hand as the child you were.
Using your dominant hand you write down something like, I know you’re in pain right now and Using your name, you ask yourself by writing down, what is going on? Then Using your non-dominant hand write down your emotions. There is a point to using your non-dominant hand because it looks like a child’s handwriting.
Then Looking at the emotions that surfaced you use your adult hand (that knows the truth about where you are now) to comfort your child hand (that is bringing forth the emotions that are connected to the pain).
Reframe the emotions with truth whether it be with God’s word/His promises, with facts such as Rev Cheryl said things like, You couldn’t take care of yourself then but you can take care of yourself now and then you’d list truths. If it was about money, it could be, I have a job, I have a bank account, I’m working toward financial independence. If it was about not having control then say, I have control over myself, I’m responsible for myself, I am learning to set boundaries, I have boundaries in place etc Things that speak truth over where you are today.
To me, I thought it was effective using your hands because it gets you outside your head. I think that would be beneficial because sometimes you have so much emotion and overwhelm in your head that if you can make it external, it seems to help you isolate and sort through your emotions in that moment.
It reminds me of the effectiveness of journaling as a way to purge your thoughts on paper, it gets everything you can list out of your mind and you can sort through it that way too.
So in short, us the classical condition exercise to take what you’re believing based on your past and updating it with the truth of where you are today and where you’re headed, toward wholeness and healing. And even if your current answers for today (as the adult) are not in your favor with regard to healing and wholeness it gives you a starting point, it helps you pinpoint the fact you need to take action.
One of the things we didn’t get a chance to talk about is that Rev Cheryl is an author of several books. Her stories are inspired from witnessing God’s redemptive grace in the messy reality of authentic life for Christian’s, including her own. In her stories she’s not afraid to address violent issues that many women find themselves in. Using realistic life situations she reveals the heart of God, His love, care, concern, ability to heal and restore despite the brokenness of this life.
Be prepared to stop this audio along the way so that you can digest what she is sharing; which is practical advice and things you can immediately implement to move from being a victim to becoming victorious!
Let’s listen in!
Live Loved and Thrive! @alifeofthrive.com
Sherrie Pilk
MORE PODCASTS AND/OR BLOGS ON SIMILAR TOPICS:
Letting God Rewrite Trauma and Abuse, with LaShaundra Barnes: https://alifeofthrive.com/2024/11/20/letting-god-rewrite-trauma-and-abuse-with-lashaundra-barnes/
Breaking Cycles of Abuse and Trauma, with Lindsey Smith: https://alifeofthrive.com/2024/07/31/breaking-cycles-of-abuse-and-trauma-with-lindsey-smith/
Heal from Childhood Abuse, with Virginia Jones: https://alifeofthrive.com/2023/03/01/healing-from-childhood-abuse-with-virginia-jones/
CONNECT WITH REVEREND CHERYL:
Website: https://revcherylkincaid.com/
BIO:
Reverend Cheryl Kincaid is a Presbyterian Minister who studied Marriage and Family Therapy at Bethel Seminary and has a Master of Divinity from San Francisco Theological Seminary.
Reverend Kincaid is a prolific author of five books, Hearing the Gospel Through Charles Dickens A Christmas Carol (which is the winner of the 2013 Independent Christian Publishers Illumination Reward for bible study), The little Clay Pot, The Little Candle That Was Frightened of the Dark, Karrie's Thorn and A Forgotten Door Called Home.
Rev. Kincaid seeks to tell the story of God’s comforting redemptive grace in the midst of an imperfect world. Rev. Cheryl Kincaid has twenty years of experience in Christian ministry, and she confesses that many of her stories were inspired from witnessing God’s redemptive grace unfold in wounded Christian’s lives, including her own.
Visit her website at Pastor Cheryl Kincaid's website to hear her sermons and hear more about her other books at https://revcherylkincaid.com/. To read about Rev. Kincaid's inspiration for writing Hearing the Gospel Through Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol visit her website http://www.dickensandchristianity.com/ and read about Charles Dickens' faith journey.
