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Argylle is a spy movie about mistaken identity that lacks a clear one itself.

Full of convoluted plot twists and set pieces overrun by pastels and other insane imagery, Argylle is a film that clearly thinks it is far better than it actually is.

One can forgive that self-assurance considering its director, Matthew Vaughn, has quite a track record of success—including in the genre.

That said, the irrational confidence Vaughn displays throughout Argylle's painful 140+-minute runtime is mind-boggling—as are its increasingly stupid double crosses.

Argylle, which was planned to be a trilogy, not only earned every bit of the hate critics heaped on it, it also deserved its massive flop status.

So, sit back, jog your memory with a Strawberry Blonde Ale from SanTan Brewing, and don't forget the cat! The Thunderous Wizard and Bling Blake are whirly birding all over Director Ritter's secret hideout!

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