The Dark Tower is a woeful adaptation of Stephen King's beloved book series.
Condensing seven mainline stories into one undercooked film, The Dark Tower lacks any of the elements that made the novels so special.
It's a speed run, dumbing down the world and its lore so much that there's really no audience for it. Fans of the books were left dumbstruck, and newcomers were just confused.
The Dark Tower is a textbook example of not understanding the property you're adapting. And it very much deserves its 16% on Rotten Tomatoes. No thankee sai, Sony. You botched the hell out of this one.
Now, sit back, settle your mind with Black Caddis Porter from Wren House Brewing, and never forget the face of your father! The Thunderous Wizard, Chumpzilla, and Bling Blake are beguiling people with our powerful magics!
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