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There are 2 layers of caregiving, one masculine the other feminine. And we need both. Which are you?
The Book of Jude
First, the book or letter of Jude. If you are tired of fake formal religion, what some call Christianity in Golden Slippers, read this incredible small book, by Jesus’ half-brother (brother of James). In this letter Jude challenges real from fake faith, and tells believers to discern truth, persist in right, and accept the limitations of the weak--while serving. He tells us to practice what we preach, to focus on fruit not leaves.
Example: Jude 20-21: Build up your faith; pray; keep yourselves in love of God; practice the mercy of Christ--and of some have compassion making a difference, and others (23) save with fear, pulling the out of fire--hating the garments spotted by the flesh.
The first layer of caregiving is masculine, and speaks of duty chore responsibility obligation. Sacrifice. Service. Suffering. And silence. The other is feminine: loving. Giving kind generous. Healthy. Caring. Nurture.
The masculine focus on task is found in second part of what Jude says above--to pull them out of fire, even hating what they smell like. Some people ain’t no damn good. You care for them because of who you are, not them. My sister care for a man called our dad, who hated us. He abandoned me. Even as she cared for him in his deranged old age he was awful to her and her family. He even gave her secret bank information to her ex husband so he could steal all her money. Even as she mopped up his urine off the floor of her living room because he was too lazy to walk to the bathroom.
My sister Cassie is a better Christian than me.
Caregiving is sometimes like being a prison guard. You provide the tools and structure so that if they want to help themselves they can. God blesses people through the obedience of his believing servants. 98% of caregiving is not seen; it is behind the walls.
But our highest aim is the spiritual best of our care receiver This means we pray for them. We wish their ultimate best and we see our best work as caregiver is spiritual work. Their sanity, peace, dignity, respect, fulness of humanity, spirit, mind and soul. These are the things which live forever. These are what make us human.
Caregiving is opportunity and duty. Possibility + Chore. The salient characteristic of Christianity is forgiveness, we should look continually into the mercy of Jesus. The same for our caregiving.
My chains fell off, says one old hymn, my heart was free. I rose henceforth and followed thee. We are like father in Luke 15 who amidst the many numerous tasks of caregiving still keeps one eye out for returning son--and relationship again, above all else. This focus on person is feminine.
Caregiving is tasks-within-relationship, fully masculine and fully feminine. Which do you need to work on?
