My guest this week is Desiree-Anne Martin. Her addiction to drugs and alcohol kept her at rock bottom for two years – using sex work to fund her heroin habit.
Despite everything she managed to turn her life around and these days she is a happily married mother of two girls as well as a qualified addiction counsellor
At the age of 41 she published her first book – a memoir called “We Don’t Talk About It. Ever”
It’s an unforgettable book and by sharing her experience, strength and hope, Desiree-Anne has given many others a platform to speak out and to begin the road to recovery.
In this Episode
- Desiree’s addictions began with slimming pills which she could buy over the counter here in South Africa. They contained amphetamines and she was on 10 a day, losing weight and full of energy!
- She moved to the UK and was horrified to discover that she would need a doctors script to get these pills
- Always on the lookout for something to give her a buzz Desiree turned to alcohol
- She was drinking and comfort eating to keep her warm during the UK’s harsh winter.
- Result was that she regained the weight she had lost which made her depressed.
- When her UK visa expired she returned to South Africa and was delighted to discover that everyone she knew was now getting high at the weekends.
- The rave culture had exploded and drug taking was normalised
- It was the perfect sub-culture to slot into with her ever growing addiction
- She was taking MDMA, Crystal Meth, LSD and Ecstacy
- Just like drinkers she had her “rules” and vowed she would never take crack cocaine or heroin – but just like drinkers she broke that rule.
- She fell in love with a heroin addict.
- When he told her about his addiction she was unphased – she could cope – after all she’d seen the movie Trainspotting so knew how it all worked!
- She stuck by him because her parent’s marriage had showed her that you stuck together “no matter what”
- However the “no matter what” that Desiree was dealing with led to her trying heroin herself
- She vomited after her first hit but she persevered! (as she put it)
- It was like a warm blanket that blanked out all her emotions
- It takes years, sometimes decades for people using alcohol to become dependent but hard drugs like heroin are a different matter
- Desiree was hooked within a matter of week until eventually she needed it just to feel normal
- Her daily struggle became keeping the withdrawal at bay
- A friend dragged her to AA/NA – she did attend meetings now and then but was usually high – she would lie about her clean time because she wanted the praise
- Her rehab journey began when her dad drove her out into the middle of nowhere to a rehab that Desiree describes as a concrete tank for people to withdraw from whatever they were taking – no support or rehabilitation included – just a few goats hanging round!
- She managed to get expelled from that rehab for fraternizing
- Then she went to live with her mom who did everything she could to control her (including locking her in)
- All that interested Desiree was escaping so she could get her hands on some heroin
- Eventually she ran out of resources to fund her drug habit so had to resort to sex work, which of course led to a lot of shame, which of course led to more drugs to cope with the shame – a terrible spiral to be trapped in
- Her long suffering mother found another rehab – and finally things began to change
- Desiree was so tired from secrets and shame which she felt were rotting her from the inside out that she began to “tell her story” – she began “speaking her truth”
- She made the choice to get clean – to choose life – and she told her story over and over
- This rehab worked because they taught her to speak her truth, which set her free
- Once she decided to use the 12 steps she was “all in” – we see that at Tribe Sober – the people who go “all in”, the ones who “throw the book at it” are the ones who succeed
- Desiree's first year of recovery was mainly about “not using” and meant a complete overhaul of her lifestyle
- She felt a great sense of loss, she mourned the loss of heroin and had to learn to deal with her feelings again
- At the beginning her feelings were either good – or bad - but gradually they became more complex which was difficult as she could no longer use heroin to numb them out
- She also discovered that she had mental health issues which had been masked by her drug taking so she began therapy
- She learned that the drinking and the using had been symptomatic of the multiple traumas she had dealt with over the years.
- Many people in our community love the work of Gabor Mate which emphasises the link between trauma and developing an addiction
- Desiree has finally shed the shame, is now 18 years sober and spends her time helping and inspiring others
- At the age of 41 she published her memoir “We don’t want to talk about it – ever” her story continues to give people hope that shows that there is a way out
- If you want to learn more about Desiree or book a counselling session with her you can go to her website which is desreeannemartin.com and her book is available on Amazon
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