My guest this week is couples therapist Zach Brittle who is based in Seattle
I was able to pick his brain about that very common question we hear from some of our members –
How can I quit when my partner drinks?
In this episode:-
- Zach's drinking escalated during COVID lockdown—he felt depressed and family relationships were under strain.
- He reached that point that many of us get to – his “not this" moment as we call it in Tribe Sober
- He approached a sober friend, Dave, who became his sponsor and helped him to work the 12 steps
- He only attended a few in-person AA meetings but actually found a South African online meeting that became his home group – so he has a soft spot for us here in SA
- He quit alcohol quickly and without too much trouble, but deeper emotional recovery took much longer.
- Zach stressed the difference between quitting drinking and being sober.
- His marriage had involved heavy shared drinking and his wife had been his drinking buddy
- But after he got sober, his wife began to drink more and had her own recovery journey to tackle
- Their 15-year-old daughter also “spun out” as the family system recalibrated
- Family members are now all healthy and connected
- I loved Zach's analogy as a family being like a child mobile – hold one piece steady and the other pieces wobble – how true
- Zach had some great advice for partners struggling with a drinker who won’t change:
- Take care of yourself first — get grounded and stable.
- Build your “healthy place” and invite your partner into it.
- You can’t decide their behaviour, but you can decide what works for you.
- Early sobriety is fragile — ignore comments like “you’re boring.” Focus on your own survival.
Zach's Top Benefits of Sobriety
- Feels like an adult for the first time in his life.
- Sleep transformed — falls asleep naturally, sleeps through, wakes refreshed.
- Clear mind & emotional stability — no hedging, hiding, or dodging.
- Better marriage — calmer, more intimate, more predictable.
- Massive financial savings — used to spend ~$12k/year on bar tabs.
Advice for Anyone Struggling
- Ask yourself: “Am I ready?”
- If yes, do the work: find community, a sponsor, a meeting, a book, a mentor.
- The work isn’t quitting alcohol — it’s understanding yourself and building emotional sobriety.
Zach’s Podcast & Work
- Hosts Marriage Therapy Radio — weekly episodes with real couples.
- Has published books and has a new one coming in 2027 on relational recovery.
- Works mostly in person in Seattle but does some online work.
- Zach Brittle is his website
Tribe Sober subscription membership – you can join up HERE.
Episode Sponsor
This episode is sponsored by the Tribe Sober Membership Program. If you want to change your relationship with alcohol then sign up today
Read more about our program and subscribe HERE
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