Overcoming Gridlock — Understanding the Conflicts That Keep Coming Back
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Do you and your partner have an argument that never seems to go away—no matter how many times you talk about it?
The same issue.
The same tension.
The same feeling of being stuck.
If so, you’re not failing at marriage.
You may be experiencing what relationship expert John Gottman calls gridlock—and in today’s episode, Lisa shares how to move through it with compassion, curiosity, and emotional understanding.
In this episode, we explore Principle #6: Overcoming Gridlock, one of the most misunderstood and deeply transformative principles in building lasting love—especially in midlife and beyond.
✔️ What “gridlock” really means in a marriage
✔️ Why recurring conflicts are usually about meaning, not stubbornness
✔️ How midlife identity shifts can intensify unresolved issues
✔️ The “dream within the conflict” that fuels gridlocked arguments
✔️ Why trying to “fix” these issues often makes them worse
✔️ How to shift from debate to curiosity and connection
✔️ Practical steps for creating emotional safety around hard topics
✔️ How to honor both partners’ dreams—even without full resolution
Money and finances
Where to live
Retirement plans
Parenting adult children
Extended family boundaries
Work-life balance
Freedom vs. security
If you’ve struggled with any of these, you’re not alone.
1️⃣ Move from debate to curiosity
2️⃣ Listen without interrupting or correcting
3️⃣ Share your deeper “why” vulnerably
4️⃣ Look for flexibility instead of resolution
5️⃣ Accept that some issues require ongoing dialogue
Gridlock isn’t something to “win.”
It’s an invitation to understand.
Lisa shares a personal example about differing retirement dreams—travel and adventure versus staying rooted near family—and how honoring both perspectives creates emotional safety and flexibility over time.
Take a few quiet moments this week to reflect:
What recurring issue in my marriage feels gridlocked right now?
What deeper dream or value might I be protecting?
What dream might my partner be protecting?
How could curiosity soften this conversation?
What would it feel like to focus on understanding instead of resolution?
If you’d like help navigating deeper conversations and strengthening your emotional connection, schedule a Free Discovery Call with Lisa:
👉 https://calendly.com/lisaknellercoaching/discovery-call
You can also explore free resources here:
👉 https://www.lisaknellercoaching.com/freestuff
And take the Midlife Marriage Check-In:
👉 https://www.lisaknellercoaching.com/check-in
Lisa’s book:
The Inner Work of Love: 10 Understandings for Lasting Relationships
👉 https://amzn.to/3HMYC2b
Next episode: Principle #7 — Create Shared Meaning
Learn how to build shared values, rituals, and a powerful vision for your next chapter together.
Until next time, Lisa sends you her love and encouragement for creating a marriage and relationship that brings you joy, comfort, and peace.
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