Mark Allen is joined by Terry Lloyd for an honest, insightful and humorous chat about what it feels like to parent neurodivergent kids from a dad’s perspective.
They lift the lid on why dads are always “late to the party” when it comes to recognising neurodivergence, struggling to process what it all means, and figuring out how to show up properly for your family - especially when one parent has already been doing the heavy lifting for ages.
They also delve into how traditional gender roles can make everything harder, and why guilt, grief and defensiveness can quietly shape how dads respond in the early days. There are also plenty of practical, lived-experience tales about having to unlearn how we were parented, getting on the same page as your co-parent and the challenge of not accidentally becoming the bad cop.
A must listen for any dads raising autistic, ADHD or PDA kids, as well as any mums interesting in hearing a different perspective of the challenges men face, but often can't articulate.
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CHAPTER TIMESTAMPS (ESTIMATED)
00:00:37 – Intro and what’s coming up
00:01:15 – Meet the Guest: Terry Lloyd
00:04:07 – Topic of the Week: Dads and the neurodivergent parenting journey
00:05:36 – Being late to the party spotting neurodivergence (and why dads often miss it)
00:06:05 – Inheriting breadwinner v caregiver roles, and the mental load gap
00:10:47 – When your co-parent says “something’s different”
00:17:03 – Labels, diagnosis, and why denial delays support
00:25:21 – The provider/disciplinarian stereotype (and how it backfires)
00:32:07 – How our own upbringing can influence dads' approach to parenting
00:36:52 – PDA, control, and why authority dynamics don't work
00:48:34 – Before diagnosis: doubt, uncertainty, and needing clarity
00:51:20 – Grief, shame, and the emotional weight of realising your child is neurodivergent
00:55:40 – The importance of finding other dads in the same boat
01:00:07 – Learning the hard way (books and resources that helped)
01:09:54 – Advice for dads needing to get more hands-on
01:21:08 – It’s Not All Rubbish: Finding the positives
01:24:59 – Neurodiversity Champions
01:27:57 – Tiny Epic Wins
01:29:49 – What the Flip Moments
01:34:52 – Outro (how to share your stories, links to the socials and wrap-up)
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LINKS TO STUFF WE MENTION IN THIS EPISODE
Neuroshambles website – https://www.neuroshambles.com
The Journey into SEND Fatherhood (book Mark and Terry contributed to) - https://amzn.eu/d/03g3S0J7
The Explosive Child by Ross W. Greene (book) - https://amzn.eu/d/0az7Uy7e
SEND Dads Drop In (Facebook group) - https://www.facebook.com/groups/3100788930061466
PDA Father Figures (Facebook group) - https://www.facebook.com/groups/809973900027348
Lisa Lloyd (@asd_with_a_g_and_t) - https://linktr.ee/ASDwithagandt
Raising the SEN-Betweeners by Lisa Lloyd (book) - https://amzn.eu/d/01pvrF2f
SAA Clothing (sensory-friendly clothing) - https://www.saaclothing.com/
Let Us Learn Too (parent/carer education campaign) - https://letuslearntoo.wordpress.com/
Amaze Sussex dads support group (run by Darren Walker) - https://amazesussex.org.uk/events/dads-group-east-sussex/
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📣 CONTACT NEUROSHAMBLES
🌐 Website: www.neuroshambles.com
📧 Email: hello@neuroshambles.com
📸 Instagram: @neuroshambles
🎵 TikTok: @neuroshamblespod
📘 Facebook: Neuroshambles
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🎙️ CREDITS
🎶 Theme music by Skilsel on Pixabay: pixabay.com
