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🔒 Lock’Em Up: Picks & Parlay (Week 4)

Presented by DTB Clothing (until FanDuel finally answers our DMs). Last week’s parlay? Yeah… we’re pretending that never happened. New week, fresh lies confidence.

🏫 College Slate (4-Leg “We Swear This One Hits”)

• South Carolina +9.5 (Turtle’s buying it to +10 because he’s rich and scared)

• Colorado −13.5 vs. Wyoming (Coach Prime, new QB, still vibes)

• Bowling Green–Louisville OVER 51.5 (points are cheaper than rent)

• Oklahoma −6.5 vs. Auburn (Boomer Sooner, sorry War Eagle/Tiger/IdentityCrisis)

💰 Approx odds: ~13:1. Hammer responsibly. Or irresponsibly. Your call.

🏈 NFL Slate (4-Leg “Please Don’t Get Hurt, Mahomes”)

• Chiefs −5.5 (0–3? Not on our watch.)

• Mahomes OVER 232.5 pass yds (carving pumpkins and the Giants)

• Steelers–Patriots UNDER 44.5 (two great defenses, two sad offenses)

• Cowboys +1.5 vs. Bears (Brandon Aubrey = America’s Kicker)

💰 Approx odds: ~10:1. If this hits, we’re buying matching chain wallets and a fog machine.

🧪 GCP Top 10 (Because Polls Are Fun To Argue About)

1. Ohio State (unanimous)

2. Oregon

3. Miami

4. LSU

5. Penn State

6. Georgia (yeah, we said it)

7. Oklahoma

8. Florida State

9. Illinois

10. Texas A&M
    Honorable mentions: whoever Nick bet at 11:00 AM and instantly jinxed.

📊 Pick’em Board (Shame Rankings)

• The Wizard heating up.

• Turtle knows ball.

• Nick’s Wheel: 3–12 (legally a hate crime against parlays).

• Damien: 6–9… nice.

• Tommy: 5–5 but still somehow last because math is a social construct.

🎙️ What’s Inside the Segment

• The boys roast last week’s tickets, overreact to two games, and proclaim “This is the week” at least six times.

• Live debate: is buying a half-point a power move or fear tax?

• Side quests: polygamy jokes for Utah picks, Burrow’s health, and why Brandon Aubrey should get MVP votes.

Tap in, tail or fade, and post your tickets. If we hit, we’re insufferable. If we miss… the Wheel made us do it.