Garth Heckman
The David Alliance
Kill them, kill them all
John Wick: Winston... tell them... Tell them all... Whoever comes, whoever it is... I'll kill them. I'll kill them all.
Winston then smiles and says “of course you will”
In todays world we have to be willing to do something incredibly hard and that is kill… kill them with kindness.
The saying "kill them with kindness" means to respond to negativity, hostility, or criticism with overwhelming kindness, compassion, or generosity. The idea is to disarm or surprise someone who is being unkind or adversarial by treating them with unexpected warmth and understanding, potentially defusing conflict or changing their perspective. It’s a figurative way to suggest that kindness can be a powerful tool to overcome negativity, not that it literally "kills" anyone… but what it does kill -hopefully - is kill their response to continue to attack. Now it’s not easy to do, its not easy to put on replay a response of love, listening and caring. No matter how much they vomit hate, lies and vulgarity you still love them.
1. **Practice Active Listening**: Give the person your full attention without interrupting. Reflect back what they've said to show understanding, which can reduce defensiveness and open dialogue.
True Jesus would interrupt an idea, but never interrupt someone is mid conversation. You should’t either. We all know how frustrating it is when someone interrupts us- don’t be that guy.
2. **Stay Calm and Composed**: Maintain a neutral tone and body language. Your calmness can be contagious, helping to lower the emotional temperature of the situation.
This might be the most overlooked quality of Jesus. Now he did get mad, but only at the Religious leaders, not against the sinners.
3. **Use Empathy Statements**: Acknowledge their feelings with phrases like "I can see why that would upset you." This validates emotions without agreeing with the content, fostering connection.
This one thing alone is huge. The greatest negotiators the ones who close deals and talk people off the ledge - literally - first know how to listen. Jesus listened… quit forming a response during someone speaking, yelling or debating. Listen first then connect to how they feel not just what they say.
Jesus says in Matthew 25 “you have heard it said” seven times… what is he trying to do? He is connecting with what his listeners have heard and how they feel.
4. **Ask Open-Ended Questions**: Encourage them to elaborate with questions like "Can you tell me more about that?" This shifts focus from confrontation to exploration, potentially revealing underlying issues.
Make your questions direct that show you care. Not questions that try to stump that person. Questions that ask about their feelings and their past experiences.
5. **Find Common Ground**: Identify shared values or goals, such as "We both want what's best here." This builds rapport and redirects energy toward cooperation.
6. **Set Boundaries Politely**: Clearly state limits on unacceptable behavior, like "I want to discuss this, but let's avoid name-calling." This prevents escalation while keeping communication open.
7. **Take a Break if Needed**: Suggest pausing the conversation with "Let's step away for a moment to cool down." Time apart can allow emotions to subside and perspectives to shift.
8. **Focus on Facts Over Emotions**: Gently steer toward verifiable information to counter lies, saying "Based on what I know, here's the detail." Avoid accusations to prevent further defensiveness.
9. **Offer Solutions or Compromises**: Propose practical next steps, like "What if we try this approach?" This moves the situation from problem-focused to solution-oriented.
10. **Know When to Disengage**: If diffusion isn't possible, remove yourself gracefully with "I think we need more time on this." Prioritize safety and seek external help if the situation involves threats.
