Would things have been better if I had used different words? If I hadn't said what I did? If I hadn't done that, which in retrospect, seems short-term, short-sighted, short-everything. We realize mistakes, often whilst we are making them, often much after the deed is done and dusted, often only when we face the consequences. Anf sometimes not at all.
We are human. We are a cauldron of weaknesses and mistakes. And we learn to live with ourselves, sometimes with ease, often reluctantly. Because we don't know how to change. The strong-willed bear the pain, learn the lesson, maybe seek redemption, irrespective, move on.
But often this is easier said than done. And in relationships, it never is. There is never a clinical break. Memory ensures threads remain, thin, seemingly fragile, but embedded deep inside us, lingering, refusing to leave.
Which makes me realize the bigger point - we are never free of the wrong we do. Never. We are haunted in ways which we might never connect with the wrong done, but which come into our lives as echoes without a sound.
Our lack of self-awareness makes us seek strange solutions, when the real solution lies in change. Change in the way we think, the way we conduct our lives, our behaviour, our attitude, our requirement for kindness, of accepting our fallibility, of realizing our arrogance.
And because it rarely happens, we have to stew in the heat of our misdeeds.
If you liked this poem, consider listening to these other poems on loss and remembrance -
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The details of the music used in this episode are as follows -
About Moments by Sascha Ende
Link: https://filmmusic.io/en/song/about-moments
